


Short One Shot

by justjunhoes



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love, M/M, Sad Ending, Separations, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-06-21 15:58:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15561324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justjunhoes/pseuds/justjunhoes
Summary: this time is for any iKON ships. a short, one shot fic specially for iKON ships.





	1. The Lost Soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One soul is still wandering and one man forgets what happiness is. Both are lost, trying to find tranquility.

Chanwoo stands at the corner of his room while looking at his mother, still sobbing as she sits on once, his bed. The bedspread is still the same, the arrangement of his pillows and his stuffed toy giraffe are still nicely placed on the bed. The photo frame from his graduation three months ago is still hanging at the wall next to the photo from of him with his batchmates. His computer and his gaming chair are still remained untouched.

He looks at his mother again. How he wishes he could comfort her, tells her to stop crying. But he feels like he has never been the best son for his mother. He often argued with her, slammed the door, protest almost everything to what his mother told him. His mother is so patient and calm when handling him as well as so understanding.

He moves closer to his mother. He wants to hug her but he knows he can’t.

**_“I’m sorry, mother. I’m sorry. I want to be a better son to you.”_ **

He ‘touches’ his mother’s cheek, somehow it makes his mother flinches a bit with her eyes scanning around the room. His mother wipes her tears.

_**“Chanwoo…are you here? If you are here in this room, please know that mommy and daddy love you so much.”** _

His mother takes the stuffed toy giraffe as she leaves the room. She looks at the room again before slowly shutting the door. His heart aches. He’s not happy, he’s not calm yet. He needs to do something right before he can really leave this world. Chanwoo goes downstairs to look for his dad. He notices his dad is folding his clothes neatly and places them in the box. He stands facing his dad. The older figure looks calm on the outside but he could see the sadness in his dad’s eyes.

**_“Ah Jung Chanwoo.”_ **

His dad takes a nicely wrapped box under piles of his clothes. Chanwoo becomes curious. Is that his birthday present? His birthday is coming up in three weeks times though. He moves closer.

_**“I was going to give you this. Then you can wear this and we can watch baseball together.”** _

He watches his dad unwrap the box. A whole set of baseball gear together with a bat. His tears roll down his cheeks. His dad lied about not wanting to give him that but it turned out that his dad actually bought it and wanted to watch baseball together. He then sees two tickets placed nicely on the gloves.

Chanwoo remembers how he argued with his dad.

 

_“You are never home. You are always busy. Ugh. Do you know that my graduation ceremony is next week?”  
_

_“Next week? Chanwoo… I’m…"  
_

_“Whatever dad. You don’t love me at all. You are never home, we never have any father-son time. I’m envious of my friends, dad. They are always telling stories about they spend time with their dads and then there’s me.”  
_

_“Chanwoo please. Stop it already.” His mother tried to calm him down.  
_

_“Mom. Are you siding dad right now? Ugh I’m so annoyed.”  
_

_Chanwoo folded his arms, avoiding eye contact with his parents. The television then happened to air commercial about the upcoming baseball game between his favourite team, LG Twins and Kia Tigers. He glanced at the television.  
_

_“One day, I want to be able to watch baseball game with my dad.” He sighed loudly._

 

_**“I’m sorry that I was never home that often. You were right, Chanwoo. I failed as a dad and I realized that. I thought I could make it up to you but God loves you more.”** _

Chanwoo wipes his tears. He approaches his dad, apologizing if he was too harsh towards his dad. He loves his dad but everything got too awkward between them when he started college and they sort of did not get along. He regrets it too. He should have been nicer no matter what because after all, that is his dad and had worked hard to provide everything for him.

 

*********************

 

Jinhwan always wanders after work. He feels like he has nowhere to go. He lost his job, his house, his boyfriend ditched him because he was jobless and homeless. Sad. He imagined them being together for a long time but it ended just like that. He couldn’t find peace for himself. He feels like he doesn’t even know what peace is. He found a job at the florist shop after meeting a lady in her 50’s. Her name was Shin Ryu Jun. She called him ‘flower boy’ because she found him very pretty. They met at her shop when Jinhwan wanted to buy carnation for himself. In that 10 minutes of their meeting, Ryu Jun knew his story.

That was how she offered him the job there which hse gladly accepted. He suddenly found happiness and peacefulness again. She was very kind and she treated him like her own son. She was married but she was unable to get pregnant. She had always wanted a child. Jinhwan felt everything was perfect. Well, he thought.

Ryu Jun passed away two months later.

Jinhwan became depressed again. But somehow, he felt grateful meeting Ryu Jun. It was as if Ryu Jun was looking for someone to take over her florist business. However, since then he continues to isolate himself again. He doesn’t really hang out with his friends. He would rather wander anywhere he wishes before heading towards his home.

He feels lonely. Empty. Agitated. Restless.

He wants to be in the state of tranquility again.

Every night he would be drinking soju or beer then he would cry himself to sleep. He always hugs a photo frame of his family members. He misses them everyday. He always wonders why he was the lucky one, who escaped unhurt during the fire that caught his house and burned his whole family. He was supposed to be home but he decided to go out for some soccer game with his friends. When he reached home, there were many people that he didn't know, ambulance, policemen and fire brigade. Tired firemen were seen taking a break for a moment. He then noticed stretchers being carried out from the remains after the fire. That's when he realized the it was the end of his world.

He became the loneliest person. Sure he has friends but he misses being loved.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Chanwoo leaves the house, wandering aimlessly at the town. His eyes then landed on this one attractive man. That man is small, short but has beautiful features. The voice that man owns sounds shaky but feels like honey. Chanwoo slowly approaches the man, looking at the attractive man arranging the flowers nicely in the shop as it is closing time.

**_“See you tomorrow, Jinhwan.”_ **

**_“See you, Yunhyeong.”_ **

Chanwoo sees another attractive man named Yunhyeong waving the small man goodbye as he stands outside the shop and looking through the glass window. Scary. The man looks a bit like him. Long lost twin? He just smiles. Anyway, he hears the name. Jinhwan. He keeps looking at Jinhwan. The small man is busy talking to another man. After for what seems like forever, the other man finally leaves.

Chanwoo stands in the shop now, looking at Jinhwan.

Jinhwan gulps. He could sense that someone or something is watching him. Those who are close with Jinhwan know that he has sixth sense, or like what Junhoe, his annoying friend likes to call it as ability to see the unsettling soul. Junhoe called it as ‘ability’ but he called it as a curse. He could see ghosts, souls which are happy or sad, souls which have unresolved things on earth but died too quickly, souls which are still wandering on earth.

He knows a wandering soul is in this very shop. He takes a deep breath, slowly turns around to look at the lost soul.

Chanwoo is surprised. He is actually exchanging eye contact with Jinhwan. The man can see right through his eyes?

 _ **“Uhm… yes. I can see you. Lost soul.”**_ Jinhwan’s voice sounds even more shaky than usual.

_**“You… can?”** _

_**“Yes, I can. It’s a curse onto me.”**_ Jinhwan looks into his eyes. The man seems younger than him. _**“What is your name?”**_

**_“Chanwoo. Jung Chanwoo.”_ **

**_“Hello…Chanwoo. Uhm… what... what are you doing here?”_ **

**_“I don’t know. I have nowhere to go now.”_** Chanwoo replies.

 _ **“That makes the two of us.”**_ Jinhwan smiles a bit.

Both of them remain silent for a moment. Jinhwan is busy with the flowers. He thinks Chanwoo has left but he could sense the soul’s presence. After he is done with his work, he exits the shop and locks it. He glances at Chanwoo.

_**“How old are you?”** _

_**“20 years old.”** _

_**“Ah. I thought so. You look young.”** _

_**“Too bad right? Because I died young.”** _

Jinhwan bites his lower lip. He looks at Chanwoo again. **_“Let’s go to the rooftop. At my place. I don’t want to look lunatic talking to you. No offense.”_**

Chanwoo understands. He nods. _**“Let’s go.”**_

Moments later they reach at the rooftop of Jinhwan’s rented apartment building. The view is nice. Chanwoo looks around. How he wishes he could really enjoy this place for real right now. It’s only his soul wandering here. He wants to be physically here. He then glances at Jinhwan who is busy setting up chairs for both of them. Apparently it is where Jinhwan would spend his time alone, admiring the beauty of nature while drowning himself with songs or good book.

**_“Thanks.”_ **

**_“You are welcome.”_** Jinhwan takes a seat. _**“May I ask you something?”**_

Chanwoo nods.

**_“Why are you still here? You can’t go…you know…that place?”_ **

**_“I still have things to say to my parents. It hurts to see them cry."_ **

_**“I’m sorry. Do you have…like…do you know what you want to do for now?”** _

_**“I don’t know. I’m not sure.”**_ Chanwoo looks at him.

 _ **“It’s okay. Don’t rush.”**_ Jinhwan smiles to comfort the lost soul.

Jinhwan knows what to do but he doesn’t say yet or else the young lost soul would think that he wants to get rid of him quickly. He takes a quick sip from the can of beer he bought earlier. He stares at the floor then glances at Chanwoo. He asks what happened and how.

_**"Car crash. I was studying till late night. I keep failing Literature... so I studied until late night. I thought I could make it home but I fell asleep while driving...and well...I hit lamp post."** _

_**"I'm sorry."** _

_**"It's okay. I'm sorry to myself too. I should have listened to my mom. Sleep first or wait for my dad to fetch me instead but..."**_ Chanwoo chuckles but sounding regretful. He looks at Jinhwan. _**"Ah I didn't mean to ruin the mood."**_

 _ **“It's okay."**_ Jinhwan smiles. _**"You know… uhmm… it sounds weird now but you can stay here for tonight.”**_

 _ **"Thanks.”**_ Chanwoo smiles a bit.

Jinhwan leans against his chair, enjoying the night wind. They have small talks, about their life, their dreams, the uncertain future even for Jinhwan. After meeting Chanwoo, Jinhwan somehow feels grateful that he could still enjoy the beautiful sky and feel the cold wind on his skin. He feels sorry for Chanwoo.

They become quiet once again. He then looks at Chanwoo, who slowly disappears from his sight.

_**“Good night, lost soul.”** _

 

*********************

 

Jinhwan almost shouted when he saw Chanwoo this morning then he remembered why Chanwoo is there at his place. It’s Monday. He closes his shop on Monday only so now he is resting at home. He eats his breakfast accompanied by Chanwoo. The lost soul is staring blankly at a painting he abandoned weeks ago.

 _ **“You love to paint?”**_ Chanwoo glances at him.

 _ **“I wouldn’t say love but…when I feel like it.”**_ Jinhwan looks at him.

 _ **“I see.”**_ Chanwoo smiles. _**“So what are your plans today?”**_

 _ **“I’m going to help you. I’ve been reading up all night…and I think…I can help you with something. You said you have something to tell to your parents, right?”**_ Jinhwan lies. Reading? More like experience.

Chanwoo nods. He looks into Jinhwan’s eyes. _**“So…how can you help me?”**_

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 _ **“Hmmm… who could that be?”**_ Chanwoo’s mother opens the door. **_“Hello. Yes, son. Are you lost?”_**

Jinhwan bows. _**“Hello. My name is Kim Jinhwan. We…I mean…I’m not lost. I have something to tell.”**_

Chanwoo’s mother seems hesitant at first, thinking Jinhwan may hurt her but she allows him to enter. She looks at him with 1000 questions in her head. They walk together to the living room where Chanwoo’s dad is sitting whilst reading the newspaper. They briefly introduce each other.

_**“Jinhwan. Not to be rude but please explain why you came. Do you know us or… are you friends with our son?”** _

_**“Well…”**_ Jinhwan glances at Chanwoo who is ‘sitting’ next to him. _**“I’m not friends with your son but…”**_ He takes a deep breath.

 _ **“But what?”**_ Chanwoo’s dad becomes curious.

_**“I… I can see your son.”** _

Chanwoo’s parents are taken aback. They exchange look. Jinhwan can see the clueless look on their faces, things they want to ask him some more but they are too shocked to process what he just said. They whisper to each other first before returning their attention to him.

 _ **“Is he…here right now?”**_ Chanwoo’s mother looks into his eyes.

Jinhwan nods. _**“He’s next to me.”**_

Chanwoo’s mother bursts into tears. His dad pulls her into his embrace, calming her. He can’t hold back his tears too. He quickly wipes his tears, avoiding any eye contact with Jinhwan. After about 5 minutes, his mother has finally calmed down but she is still sobbing. She holds Jinhwan’s hands tightly.

_**“Our Chanu is right here with us?”** _

Jinhwan nods.

" _ **Chanu ah… Jung Chanwoo. I miss you so much.”**_

And at that time, Chanwoo’s soul goes inside Jinhwan’s body. Jinhwan’s body shakes like he has a seizure. He closes his eyes and feels his soul is sucked out. He looks around and realizes he is now floating like the lost soul. He looks at Chanwoo’s mother and his body with Chanwoo’s soul in it. He can’t believe this really works. He only did this like once or twice so that’s why he wasn’t confident at first.

Chanwoo glances at Jinhwan’s soul. It works. He then looks at his mother. Her eyes are still red and tears can’t seem to stop from falling down. He slowly reaches his hand to touch her cheeks, wiping her tears with thumbs.

_**“Mom…”** _

_**“Chanwoo!”** _ His parents call him at the same time.

 _ **“Mom. Dad. Yes, it’s your Chanu. I can’t stay long like this or else Jinhwan could die.”**_ Chanwoo looks at them. _**“Mom, I’m sorry if I ever yelled at you, disagree with you in everything. I’m sorry I could not repay every single thing you have done for me. I wish I could be a better son for you. I love you mom even though I don’t say it… and I’m sorry. I should have listened better.”**_

_**“Chanu… you already are the best son. Please. Mommy loves you so much. I’m sorry if I was lacking. I’m sorry** **…** **”** _

Chanwoo gives a faint smile. He looks at his dad. _**“Daddy… I know how much you tried to be the best dad. I’m sorry I didn’t say this sooner. You really are the best…and I hope you go watch that baseball match with mommy. I know we are awkward but please know that I love you so much dad.”**_

 _ **“Yah…Jung Chanwoo.”**_ His dad ruffles Jinhwan’s hair. He fixes Jinhwan's hair later as he realizes that is not Chanwoo. It's his habit.

 _ **“Mom. Dad. I want you two to be stronger okay. Please sell or giveaway my toys, games, books and clothes.”**_ Chanwoo pauses. _**“I will meet you two eventually. Stop crying already okay, mom?”**_ He touches her cheeks. _**“And dad… be with mommy always.”**_

His parents nod. Chanwoo looks at Jinhwan.

**_“It’s time. I’m going now, mommy…daddy. Take care and stay healthy always. I, your handsome son Jung Chanwoo… love you two so much. Goodbye…”_ **

Chanwoo leaves Jinhwan’s body, causing Jinhwan to pass out momentarily. Chanwoo’s parents panicked for a moment but relieve when they hear the man coughs. Chanwoo’s mother almost calls the ambulance. Jinhwan’s head hurts a bit. He looks around for Chanwoo but he can’t see the lost soul. Has Chanwoo really left?

After he freshens up a bit, Chanwoo’s parents tell him everything. They thank him for allowing Chanwoo to use his body. Before he goes home, Chanwoo’s mother asks him.

**_“You met Chanwoo like this… through your ability of seeing his soul but you allowed him to use your body to meet us. You sacrificed yourself. Why?”_ **

**_“Because… I don’t want him to suffer. I don’t know him at all like how I don’t know the other souls I’ve met but… I always try my best to help them ease their pain, do what they wanted to do, what they had been longing to do. I want them to go peacefully, just like how I want Chanwoo to go peacefully.”_** Jinhwan pats her hands as they shake hands. _**“Also… I don’t want parents… you and you…”**_ He looks at them. **_“To keep suffering also. It is hard when we lost someone we love… like how I lost my parents.”_**

 _ **“Jinhwan…”**_ Chanwoo’s mother comforts him with her smile. _**“You are one nice kid. Thank you once again. May God bless you.”**_

Jinhwan bows.

 ** _“Oh wait, Jinhwan.”_** Chanwoo’s dad calls him. **_“You know… you can come by anytime. If you need someone to talk to or share things, just come here. You are at about Chanwoo’s age so we shall treat you like a son too.”_**

Jinhwan is touched with that offer. He doesn’t promise them but he would come once in a while. He bows again and waves them goodbye when he leaves the bungalow. As he is walking back to his apartment, he notices a familiar soul.

 ** _“Thank you, Jinhwan hyung.”_** Chanwoo smiles, slowly disappearing from his sight.

_**“You are welcome, Jung Chanwoo. You are welcome.”** _

Jinhwan suddenly feels something around his neck. A necklace. Jinhwan chuckles when he realizes the initial. He feels happy, he smiles as widely as he could ever remember. He can’t wait for tomorrow and days ahead. Maybe the lost soul is meant to meet him. His ability wasn’t a curse after all. Meeting Chanwoo makes him realize that he is still lucky, that life must go on no matter how tough it is and always appreciate everyone and not forgetting to love himself. He keeps smiling. It was a short meeting but he is grateful.

He looks at the necklace again.

**‘JCW’**


	2. The Confession?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanbin finally has the guts to confess. Everything goes smoothly.

No one is at their apartment today. It’s their day off. Bobby and Donghyuk are hanging out together at Bobby’s studio, Jinhwan goes to help his sister while Junhoe goes home. No one knows where Chanwoo goes. The maknae left early in the morning without saying a word. This sort of reminds Yunhyeong when the fans love to joke that Chanwoo is a rich man who travels using private jet.

So only Yunhyeong is alone. Hanbin is nowhere to be seen. He guesses that Hanbin could probably fell asleep at the studio. The latter spends more time at the studio rather than in his room. Yunhyeong nags at him a few times but what he says just go through Hanbin’s ears and not stuck in the latter’s head.

He glances at the time.

**1.15 p.m.**

He walks to the kitchen. Hanbin sometimes like to skip meals and this worries Yunhyeong so much. He hates it when the members don’t eat properly and only order foods outside. He learns to cook for the boys, to ensure that they all eat well. Being the son of restaurant owners probably gives him some of the talent in cooking. He just puts ingredients according to how he feels but every dish turns out well.

**“Hello. Anyone home?”**

**“Me! I’m in the kitchen.”**

Hanbin takes off his shoes. He stretches his arms as he walks to the kitchen. He is dead tired. He fell asleep on the couch at the studio, as usual. His head suddenly hurt and he is hungry so he decided to call it a day. The funny friends agreed too since they are also tired.

**“Hyung… hi… now before you nag…”**

Yunhyeong glances at him. Looking at the condition and Hanbin’s sleepy eyes, he doesn’t have the heart to nag at the younger man. After all, he can’t always nag and nagging is definitely the last thing even he himself would want to hear.

**“I’m not going to nag at you.” He smiles. “Why don’t you take a hot shower first? I am just starting to cook.”**

Hanbin nods. Once he steps into his room, he just falls onto the large bean bag in the middle of his room. He wants to sleep but he is also hungry and Yunhyeong is starting to cook. He can’t let Yunhyeong’s cooking go to waste. He takes off his shirt as he starts working out for a while. After some pushups and pull up, he is drenched in sweat. But he lies down for a while, catching his breath and shutting his eyes for a moment.

**“Bathing time.”**

He stands under the shower head for about 5 minutes, letting the warm water wetting his body thoroughly. Then he slowly rubs his body with soap, washes his hair too. After he is done, he just remembers he forgets to wash his face.

 **“Ahh…I look like ghost now.”** He giggles alone.

He quickly puts on his clothes then walks to the kitchen. His stomach is grumbling loudly already. He rubs his stomach as he approaches Yunhyeong. The latter seems not to realize his presence at the kitchen. He doesn’t want to startle the hyung so he leaves the kitchen and sits on the couch at the living room. Yunhyeong notices Hanbin came to the kitchen but before he could say something, the latter left so he continues cooking. It is almost done anyway. He puts the plates on the tray and carries it to the living room. He sees Hanbin is lying down on the couch watching television.

 **“Food is ready.”** Yunhyeong smiles.

 **“Uhh… hyung.”** Hanbin slowly gets up to sit. **“It looks yummy.”** He rubs his eyes, squinting to look kimchi fried rice and fried pork cutlets. **“Thanks.”**

 **“You are welcome.”** Yunhyeong puts the tray on the table. **“Wait.”** He walks to the kitchen and comes back with two glasses of orange juice.

Hanbin smiles. He takes his first bite. **“So good.”** He continues eating quietly. He is so hungry and so tired to keep having conversation.

Yunhyeong just sits quietly watching Hanbin eating. He wants to say something but he lets the younger man eats. He looks at Hanbin’s eyes. Tired. Hanbin could really fall asleep in no time. He is always worried about Hanbin. He knows he can’t stop Hanbin because that’s how the latter is so the least he could do is ensuring that the younger man eats.

Hanbin finally finishes his meal. He looks at Yunhyeong.

**“Thanks hyung.”**

**“You are welcome.”** Yunhyeong smiles. He gets up to clean up everything but he feels Hanbin’s hand grabbing his wrist. He looks at Hanbin.

 **“Sit down with me.”** Hanbin still holds Yunhyeong’s wrist tightly.

Yunhyeong nods. He slowly sits next to Hanbin on the couch. He feels nervous all of sudden. **“Are you okay?”**

**“Yes… I just… want some company and you are the only one here right now. I wonder if you feel the same too. Do you want my company?”**

**“I do…”** Yunhyeong smiles widely. **“I’ve been lonely for the whole day.”** He looks at his wrist. Hanbin is still firmly holding his wrist, not even planning to let it go.

“Then come sit with me.” Hanbin still holds Yunhyeong's wrist until the latter sits down then he slowly lets his wrist go.

Yunhyeong is slightly disappointed when Hanbin lets go of his grip. But nevertheless, he is happy to be alone with Hanbin. He turns to look at the younger man. The man just sits close next to him without saying a word. He too shuts his mouth. Only the sound of Park Seo Joon and Park Min Young talking fill the living room.

The drama finishes.

**“Hyung…have you ever been in love? Like in love with… anyone.”**

**“Hmmm… I wouldn’t call it love. Just crush. Like. Nice feeling. Comfortable. Hmm… why?”**

**“Really? With who? Anyone in the group? Like how Bobby hyung has a huge crush on Junhoe.”**

Yunhyeong chuckles. **“Hmmm… I used to have a crush on Chanwoo,”**

**“Chanwoo?”**

Yunhyeong nods. He smiles shyly. **“Ah you know Chanwoo… that kid is adorable. Naughty but adorable. He still gives butterflies to my stomach sometimes.”**

Hanbin smiles. “Chanwoo is a cute kid only when he listens to us.” He laughs. **“He only listens to me in the practice room. Haish. He listens to you more.”**

Yunhyeong notices Hanbin is making that duck lips. He chuckles making the younger man clueless. He then turns to sit facing Hanbin and the latter does the same too. They exchange looks for a moment.

 **“Yeah… I guess he listens to me more. But most of the time I just give in. I love to see him smile when he wins.”** Yunhyeong grins.

 **“How about my smile?”** Hanbin stares at the floor.

Yunhyeong is surprised with that question. He blushes a bit. **“I love your smile too. You know that awkward smile you have. You look so cute.”**

Hanbin smiles shyly. He looks away, adjusting his position and pretends to watch television. He likes what he just listened from Yunhyeong’s mouth. He loves the maknae but Chanwoo keeps getting most of Yunhyeong’s attention. The truth is that he’s jealous of the attention Chanwoo keeps getting from Yunhyeong. He sometimes would look at Yunhyeong and Chanwoo from far. The twin monsters look good together. That is why he is touchy with the boys especially with Yunhyeong these days. Whenever he gets the chance, he would stand or sit next to Yunhyeong so he could hug Yunhyeong from the back or hold the hyung’s hand or pat that nice butt Yunhyeong has.

He glances at Yunhyeong. Maybe he likes the hyung?

 **“Oh. I better clean this up or else when it dries, it gets difficult to scrub.”** Yunhyeong gets up.

 **“Uh… okay.”** Hanbin hugs his knees. He looks at Yunhyeong until the latter enters the kitchen.

 **“Helloooooo…. Hyung. Yunhyeong hyung.”** Chanwoo looks around. **“Hanbin hyung. You are home already?”**

Hanbin nods.

 **“Chanwoo, you are here?”** Yunhyeong calls from the kitchen. **“Have you eaten?”**

 **“Yes, hyung. I’ve eaten.”** Chanwoo stands by the door.

Hanbin shrugs. The maknae is home already which means his alone time with Yunhyeong has ended. He still wants to spend some alone time with Yunhyeong. He thinks of a way to make the maknae go out or something.

**“Chanwoo ahhh.”**

**“Uh why hyung?”** Chanwoo approaches him.

**“I want ice-cream.”**

**“Really hyung? Ice-cream? Like right now?”**

Hanbin nods. **“Please………..”**

**“Okay. Okay. Yunhyeong hyung, do you want ice-cream too?”**

Hanbin is relieved that Chanwoo doesn’t question anything but his heart drops a bit when the maknae calls Yunhyeong. He thought Chanwoo wants Yunhyeong to accompany him. Chanwoo finally leaves the apartment. Hanbin smiles widely again. He gets up to the kitchen to look for Yunhyeong, wondering what is taking the latter so long to come out. It turns out that Yunhyeong was cleaning the kitchen counter.

Yunhyeong glances at him. **“Do you really need that ice-cream or…”**

 **“I need some alone time with you.”** Hanbin blurts it out.

 **“Huh?”** Yunhyeong stops wiping the kitchen counter. He looks straight at Hanbin who is slowly approaching him.

 **“You heard me. Some alone time with you.”** Hanbin traps Yunhyeong, cornering the latter to the kitchen counter.

 **“Hanbin… what do you mean… what are you doing?”** Yunhyeong gulps. He bites his lip.

 **“Hyung… no. I don’t want to call you hyung. I just want to call you Yunhyeong… my favourite Song. Ah that was cheesy.”** Hanbin smiles shyly.

Yunhyeong blinks his eyes. He keeps looking at Hanbin, clueless and curious. Is this why Hanbin asks Chanwoo to buy ice-cream when there are already ice-cream in the fridge? The maknae didn’t even bother to check that he just left or has Hanbin planned this with Chanwoo? Yunhyeong looks into Hanbin’s eyes. His heart beats faster and louder, he can’t hear anything else. He feels the time stop moving.

**“Hanbin…you…”**

**“I like you, Yunhyeong. A lot. That’s why I made Chanwoo buy the ice-cream and I…”**

**“Sneaky. You are lucky Chanwoo didn’t ask anything.”**

**“Yes!”** Hanbin chuckles nervously. He looks into Yunhyeong’s eyes. **“I like you… No. I love you. Song Yunhyeong… I can’t keep this feeling anymore. I must let you know that I really love you. A lot.”**

Yunhyeong is surprised with this straightforward, sudden confession. He never breaks eye contact with Hanbin but he is still surprised and speechless. His voice cracks a bit when he finally wants to say something, making both of them laugh.

**“Actually… Hanbin… I…I think I love you too.”**

**“Really?”** Hanbin could not hide his happiness. He carries Yunhyeong and spins around, holding Yunhyeong’s waist firmly. **“Since when?”**

 **“Since…I don’t know. What I do know is I really love you. A lot.”** Yunhyeong blushes.

**“So this feeling is mutual? Wow… I can’t believe you love me too. I really love you, Song Yunhyeong. So much. I thought I won’t have chance considering how you and Chanwoo…”**

Yunhyeong chuckles. He touches Hanbin’s cheeks gently.

**“I love you…”**

**“Me too.”**

They exchange look, admiring each other and looking into each other’s eyes. Hanbin leans closer to kiss Yunhyeong. He could feel Yunhyeong’s luscious lips against his lips now. Both of them are nervous. Hanbin is not sure how to do this but he just goes for it. Slowly, he kisses Yunhyeong’s lips.

Their eyes close as they calmly kiss each other’s lips. But something feels awkward.

 

**“Hanbin? Wake up. Aish. I should have let you eat first before letting you bathe. Hanbin. Kim Hanbin. Please wake up.”**

Hanbin whines. He opens his eyes, squinting at the bright light. So he was dreaming? Damn it. He drags his body, slowly sitting at the edge of the bed. He could not believe it was a dream. He thought he really confessed to Yunhyeong and he wakes up in Yunhyeong bed or something. He looks at Yunhyeong.

 **“Have you taken your shower?”** Yunhyeong looks around. **“I don’t think so. Go. We are waiting at the living room for dinner. The boys came home already.”**

**“Ohh… all?”**

Yunhyeong nods. He smiles. **“Don’t worry. We won’t finish the food.”** He chuckles. **"But I can't promise that if you take too long to shower."** He smiles.

Hanbin smiles awkwardly. He looks at Yunhyeong as the latter walks out from his room. He shrugs. So it was a dream after all. He still has not confessed to Yunhyeong and now, he doesn’t know how long he would take to confess. Why can’t it be real? Why it has to be a dream and that dream was cut short! He gets annoyed. He thought he would kiss Yunhyeong even in his dream.

 **“Ah Song Yunhyeong.”** Hanbin chuckles alone.

Maybe one day, he will find some courage to confess. But for now, he should just enjoy being in Yunhyeong’s company. He chuckles again remembering the dream. It was indeed a beautiful dream. He hopes that dream turns into reality soon.

**“Song Yunhyeong… I will kiss that lips for real.”**

 


	3. Pay Attention to Me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jinhwan just wants some attention from Chanwoo.

iKON finally have their first schedule today. Two radio shows; Cultwo Show and a radio show with their labelmate, Suhyun. Recording was fun today despite feeling short. They finished filming radio show with Suhyun and now they are heading back home. Jinhwan walks behind Chanwoo. He kept trying to get Chanwoo’s attention earlier but the maknae kept rejecting him. The audacity! Jinhwan thinks to himself. He tried hugging Chanwoo but the latter pushed his hands away. Still, the maknae entertained him at the end and tried making up with him when they took photo.

But that was not enough. Jinhwan is sulking right now.

 **“Jinan hyung…”** Chanwoo looks at him.

Jinhwan ignores him. He quickly enters their van, sitting on his usual seat. The others just giggle looking at their mathyung behaving like that because Chanwoo is completely clueless. He doesn’t understand why Jinhwan suddenly ignores him and the hyungs are not telling him anything. Hanbin, Chanwoo and Jinhwan take the first van whereas the rest take the other van. Chanwoo sits next to Jinhwan, trying to engage a conversation with Jinhwan but the latter only replies one or two words. This is making Chanwoo frustrated. What is wrong with Jinhwan?

**“Why are you like this?”**

**“Like what?”**

**“THIS.”**

Jinhwan rolls his eyes. He leans his head against the seat and shuts his eyes. He hears Chanwoo whispers to Hanbin, asking what is going on but Hanbin only answers ‘I don’t know either’. Chanwoo thinks Jinhwan is acting weird all of sudden because he’s Jinhwan and that sometimes, Jinhwan has his own mood swing. So, Chanwoo just let it be. He puts his earphone to distract himself.

Yunhyuk suggested them to get something to eat first which they all just agreed. Jinhwan remains silent throughout journey. Mainly because he dozed off. Chanwoo glances at Jinhwan for a few times. He thinks Jinhwan still doesn’t want to talk with him. They reach a restaurant about 30 minutes after they left KBS building.

 **“I think your small hyung fell asleep.”** Hanbin whispers. He gets down from the van, quickly searching for Yunhyeong.

Chanwoo just looks at Hanbin. He knows Hanbin is so whipped for Yunhyeong but still hasn’t confessed anything. He keeps giving subtle hints and being extra touchy with Yunhyeong which the hyung does not mind at all. Yunhyeong once asked Chanwoo if Hanbin has a crush on him and that made Chanwoo choked on his drinks. He teased Yunhyeong but he just didn’t want to tell the truth.

He looks at Jinhwan only to finally realize that the mathyung is actually dozing off. He moves closer. Jinhwan looks calm sleeping and looks very pretty especially with blue hair. He remembers how he was mesmerized with Jinhwan’s beauty when they filmed iKON TV episode where they made their own music video for Beautiful. Truthfully, he was jealous of Yunhyeong’s scene with Jinhwan.

He told Yunhyeong about it that very night itself.

 

_“Hyung… I wish that was me.”_

_“Why? What do you mean?”_

_“Ugh you know… that Pretty Noona scene you did with Jinan hyung.”_

_“Wait a second. Are you jealous? Yah. Jung Chanwoo. You are jealous?”_

_“Yes. Jinan hyung looked so pretty tonight. If I’m not in this group and I see him… I would definitely fall in love with him.”_

_“But what makes you think you can’t fall in love with him?”_

 

Chanwoo still recalls that last question Yunhyeong asked him before he went to bed. He didn’t even answer immediately. He suddenly doesn’t know what to answer. Yunhyeong could figure that Chanwoo probably has a crush on Jinhwan but doesn’t realize it. Chanwoo just brushes it off.

Jinhwan whines a bit making Chanwoo comes back to present. He looks at the mathyung who curls up and continues sleeping. Chanwoo checks the time. It’s been 10 minutes since they’ve arrived at the restaurant. The others are probably waiting for them right now.

 **“Hyung… Jinan hyung…”** Chanwoo touches Jinhwan’s shoulder gently.

Jinhwan rubs his eyes. He slowly opens his eyes looking at the maknae. Then he remembers he is sulking with the maknae. He pretends to look annoyed, avoiding eye contact with Chanwoo. He quickly sits and fixes his shirt properly.

 **“Hyung… are you mad? I didn’t mean to disturb your beauty nap but we gotta go now.”** Chanwoo steps out.

Jinhwan pouts. _'How can you not realize why?'_ He quickly grabs his phone.

He steps out but he trips on his own leg and almost falls down. He is lucky that Chanwoo is still standing by the door of the van waiting for him. The younger man manages to grab his arm and hold his waist firmly. They exchange look for a moment. Jinhwan gulps. Chanwoo has always been handsome but HOW he suddenly looks even more handsome? Jinhwan is flustered.

**“Are you okay?”**

**“Yes…”** Jinhwan replies softly. He stands on his two feet properly.

 **“Alright. Let’s go.”** Chanwoo walks ahead.

Jinhwan curses at himself under his breath. He is sulking but he is clumsy? On top of that, he almost lost to Chanwoo’s gaze just now. His heart was beating fast but he is not sure if it was because he tripped or because he was in Chanwoo’s safe arm. But for sure, his heart was beating fast and he was speechless.

 **“There you two are… finally. We already ordered.”** Junhoe looks at them.

 **“Uh…what are we eating?”** Chanwoo sits opposite Donghyuk.

 **“Rice. The usual.”** Donghyuk replies.

 **“Are you okay, Jinani?”** Yunhyeong looks at him.

Jinhwan looks at everyone whose eyes are on him. Even Jaeho and Yunhyuk are looking at him. He just realizes that he is zoning out and takes this sulking too seriously. He just wants to sulk with Chanwoo, not with everyone. He slowly nods and smiles.

 **“I’m okay guys. Just a bit tired.”** He looks at them. He steals glances with Chanwoo but the maknae’s eyes are glued to the game on his phone. The maknae really is oblivious!

They eat their meals quietly which is rare. They only say a few words about how the food taste but they keep quiet most of the time. They are just that hungry that they don’t know what to talk with each other although they have a lot of things to say. Jinhwan glances at everyone especially Bobby who just shoves his food in big bite. He wishes he could do that but his mouth is just small and he could only take small bites. That’s why he finishes last.

 **“The food is good but Yunhyeong hyung’s cooking is better.”** Hanbin rests his head on Yunhyeong’s shoulder.

 **“Thanks Hanbinnie. I will cook for you when we are free.”** Yunhyeong wipes Hanbin’s lips gently.

 **“Ahh look at them being lovey dovey again.”** Donghyuk snorts.

Bobby smiles whilst looking at the two of them. They do look cute together. Can’t believe from all the teasing, Hanbin and Yunhyeong are actually together now. He feels slightly jealous because he wants to be cute and do cute stuffs like that too but Junhoe… it’s so hard with Junhoe. He keeps trying to be close with Junhoe but the younger man continues building a wall between them every time Bobby breaks it though sometimes Junhoe is caught staring at Bobby without Junhoe realising.

 **“You can be lovey dovey with me too if you want.”** Yunhyeong leans forward to wipe Donghyuk’s lips making the latter laughs out loud.

 **“Okay. Okay. Thanks I guess?”** Donghyuk chuckles.

Chanwoo finishes his drinks. He excuses himself to go to toilet for a while.

 **“Jinani… are you sulking with Chanwoo?”** Bobby leans against the wall.

 **“Huh? What are you talking about?”** Jinhwan chews his food carefully.

 **“Come on. We can see it.”** Junhoe rolls his eyes.

Jinhwan puts his chopsticks down. **“Is it…”**

 **“Yes, it’s obvious.”** Donghyuk giggles. **“Hyung. You have been trying to get Chanwoo’s attention during Suhyun radio show just now but he kept rejecting you.”**

Jinhwan pouts. **“I just want to…touch him. Hmmm this came out wrongly.”** He takes his last bite.

 **“But hyung. Chanwoo still hasn’t realized it. He probably thinks you are having those random mood swings.”** Hanbin looks at him.

Speaking of the devil. Chanwoo comes back to their table. Everyone suddenly turns their attention to the maknae making him clueless. He looks at everyone.

**“Uh…did I do anything?”**

**“Being cute.”** Donghyuk pokes his cheek.

Chanwoo smiles shyly. He continues talking with Donghyuk, mostly about his vlog. Jinhwan glances at him, sitting quietly and listening to their conversation. He is jealous. Donghyuk could poke Chanwoo’s cheek but he couldn’t hug Chanwoo? How does Donghyuk do that and since when Donghyuk gets more attention from Chanwoo?

Wow, he really is jealous?

 **“Alright boys. Are you done?”** Jaeho looks at them.

They answer in unison. They begin to leave the restaurant and head straight to the practice room. They have fan meeting in Japan over the weekend and then they would be even busier after this with their concert in Seoul, Japan tour and Asia tour for now.

Jinhwan still remains quiet. He wants Chanwoo to figure out himself why he is quiet with Chanwoo. He feels childish for a moment but he doesn’t care. He wants Chanwoo to pay attention to him. Kiss him maybe? Jinhwan screams inside. He leans against the seat and shuts his eyes.

**“Wake me up when we arrive.”**

**“Okay.”** Hanbin puts his jacket on his face and immediately falls asleep.

Chanwoo keeps looking at Jinhwan. He wants to know why the hyung is so quiet. He takes his phone to message Yunhyeong, asking about Jinhwan’s sudden odd behavior.

 **“Guys, look. Chanwoo sent a message on KKT.”** Yunhyeong glances at others. Junhoe is already deep in slumberland.

 **“Don’t tell me Jinhwan hyung is still giving him cold shoulder.”** Bobby yawns.

 **“Chanwoo is so innocent. He still couldn’t figure it out.”** Donghyuk glances at Yunhyeong.

Yunhyeong smiles. He asks if he should reply or not. He still hasn’t opened Chanwoo’s message. He only reads it on the notification panel. Bobby and Donghyuk decide to play along with Jinhwan and tell him not to reply.

 **“But if you want to reply, then you say that you don’t know either… hmmm and said because Jinhwan hyung seems okay with us.”** Bobby laughs but he quickly covers his mouth. He doesn’t want to wake Junhoe up.

 **“Ah okay.”** Yunhyeong replies.

 

_‘I don’t know…neither any of us know why. He seems okay with us.’_

_‘But hyung…he really is ignoring me. What I did wrong?’_

_‘Maybe you are just overthinking.’_

_‘How can I not overthink if he is okay with everyone but me?'_

_‘Don’t worry, Chanu ah…’_

 

Chanwoo stops replying after that. He keeps glancing at Jinhwan who is pretending to sleep. Jinhwan hugs himself. He feels bad suddenly for treating Chanwoo like that, merely because Chanwoo kept rejecting him at the studio earlier. He’s so used to Chanwoo hugging him back that he wants the maknae to keep doing it.

They finally reach YG headquarters.

Hanbin wakes up. He looks at Chanwoo and Jinhwan who are still not talking to each other. Damn Kim Jinhwan is taking this too far. He swiftly jumps out from the van and tells Yunhyuk to lock the van until they sort this thing out. He doesn’t want any unintentional awkward atmosphere between the mathyung and the maknae.

 **“Wait. The door. The door is locked.”** Chanwoo tries to open. He looks outside. **“Help. Yunhyuk hyung? Anyone?”**

 **“What? The door is locked?”** Jinhwan looks at Chanwoo. He bites his lip.

 **“Uh…yeah…”** Chanwoo leans against the seat. He keeps his attention to his favourite mathyung. **“Jinan hyung…why? Why aren’t you talking to me? Did I say something wrong or did I do anything?”**

Jinhwan plays with his fingers. He doesn’t know what to say yet. Chanwoo is definitely going to laugh at him. He keeps biting his lip while trying to construct words in his head. He pouts.

**“Hyung?”**

**“I…I’m sorry…I don’t know what’s got into me. I was just…upset.”** Jinhwan finally looks at him.

**“Upset? Because?”**

**“Well…I was trying to be cute around you just now. I hugged you but you kept rejecting.”** Jinhwan still pouts. **“I just wanna hug my maknae.”**

Chanwoo tries hard not to laugh. That’s it? Jinhwan was upset because he kept pushing Jinhwan’s hands away when the hyung hugged his neck? Damn it. Jinhwan is the cutest. He never expected Jinhwan to be upset because of that.

**“Okay. If you want to laugh then go ahead laugh. I kinda deserve that.”**

**“Kinda?”** Chanwoo moves closer.

Jinhwan gulps. He looks into Chanwoo’s eyes. **“You…are you going to laugh…at my face now?”**

 **“Maybe.”** Chanwoo smiles. He sits again then he takes Jinhwan’s hand, pulling the latter onto his laps. **“Let me hug you now.”**

Jinhwan smiles shyly. He puts his arms around Chanwoo’s neck, hugging the tall maknae. He feels very small now straddling Chanwoo’s laps with Chanwoo’s arms around his tiny waist. He loves this feeling. He hugs the maknae tightly, not planning to let him go.

 **“Good thing the door is locked.”** Chanwoo murmurs.

 **“Next time, don’t reject me like that”** Jinhwan looks at Chanwoo.

Chanwoo chuckles. **“Alright. Geez you really hate rejection huh.”** He touches Jinhwan’s cheeks.

Both of them remain silent for a moment. They look into each other’s eyes without saying a word. Their gap became smaller with each seconds passed.

 **“Kiss me.”** Jinhwan can’t believe he really said that. YES. Kiss me.

 **“Hmmm…”** Chanwoo teases.

 **“Jung Chanwoo.”** Jinhwan pouts.

Chanwoo smiles. He touches Jinhwan’s pouty lips. **“You are a baby.”** He leans closer, slowly planting a soft kiss on Jinhwan’s lips.

Jinhwan kisses him back. He smiles wider as he kisses Chanwoo. They are not even dating each other but they are kissing? Wild, Jinhwan thinks to himself but he’s enjoying this. His eyes are closed as Chanwoo deepens the kiss with while touching his neck. Chanwoo CAN kiss. Jinhwan notices that since iKON TV first episode.

Chanwoo can feel Jinhwan is getting excited each time he kisses the latter’s lips hard. Their kisses are hard and deep then slowly turn into a passionate kiss. Jinhwan lets out a moan when Chanwoo darts his tongue into his mouth. Jinhwan runs his fingers through Chanwoo’s hair as he tries to dominate the kiss.

Suddenly Chanwoo’s phone rings.

 **“Ugh…really…”** Chanwoo murmurs. He looks at the ID.

 

_-Middle hyung-_

 

 **“Who…”** Jinhwan rests his head on Chanwoo’s shoulder.

 **“Hanbin hyung.”** He slides to answer. **“Alright. We are coming.”**

 **“I forgot about us having practice tonight.”** Jinhwan smiles shyly. He wipes his lips.

 **“In case they have forgotten also, they locked us in this van. We can open it but the alarm could go off.”** Chanwoo fixes his shirt.

 **“So…what are we going to do while waiting?”** Jinhwan smirks.

 **“Tell me.”** Chanwoo hugs Jinhwan’s waist, pulling the hyung closer.

They kiss again, this time even harder. They could feel the van shakes when they go rougher than earlier, making both of them laugh. They don’t care if anyone catches them making out in this van. Who told the boys to leave the two of them in the van? But they promise each other not to tell anyone that they've kissed.

 **“Next time, pay attention to me.”** Jinhwan kisses him again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired from yesterday's radio show with Suhyun so here's another short Chanhwan fic (yes chanhwan again because why not?)


	4. We Are Not Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Junhoe likes it...

** The Shirt **

Junhoe doesn’t know what permission is and Bobby doesn’t seem to realize his shirt is always missing until he sees it. Junhoe doesn’t know what to say and is always caught at the wrong time while Bobby just stays quiet and suddenly doesn’t know how to act in front of Junhoe despite him being the hyung.

Junhoe thought he was alone at their apartment so he decided to sneak into Bobby’s room. His clothes on the floor are mostly dirty or mix up, he is not sure. He doesn’t know which one are the nice, clean shirts and which one are the dirty shirts. He wears his usual track bottom pants after he is done bathing.

The apartment is too quiet so he thought everyone goes out leaving him alone. Since he wakes up the latest, it is normal if he is left alone. He picks up his shirts and pants on the floor then puts them on “the chair”. Behold the chair that is used to put all his clothes. Knowing he has nothing nice to wear, he casually makes his way to Bobby’s room.

As he is busy ‘shopping’, he hears a familiar laugh along with Yunhyeong’s voice. Yunhyeong probably comes along because Bobby wants to eat something. It's always like that.

“Oh shit. Bobby hyung.” He slips and falls after he steps on a Lego toy on the floor. He groans silently, not wanting to get caught.

He quickly gets up. He wants to hide but damn it, he curses himself and asks why he is not Jinhwan at this moment. If he was Jinhwan, he could already hide in the closet. He hopes Bobby would just stay at the living room as he hears television is switched on.

“Okay. Act cool, Junhoe. Cool…..”

Junhoe is trying to sneak out when Bobby stands at the door, looking at him.

“Err…what….”

“Ahhhh! Hyung…. Bobby hyung….. I was just….”

“Hmmm… just… uhh…” Bobby looks at Junhoe who is obviously avoiding eye contact. He just realizes that the younger man is shirtless. So he assumes Junhoe wants to borrow his shirt again.

“Um. See you.”

“Wait. Errr… just choose whatever shirt you want to wear. You are welcome.” Bobby smiles like the polite cat meme which is all over the internet right now.

“Thanks!” Junhoe smiles happily. He enters Bobby’s room again to continue ‘shopping’.

Bobby nods. He takes off his shirt then tosses it into the basket. He glances at Junhoe who is still choosing. He just lets the latter do whatever he wants. As he unbuckles his belt to change his pants, he hears Yunhyeong’s loud gasps. He turns around and sees Yunhyeong standing by the door with his eyes widened and his palm on his mouth.

“No, hyung. It’s not like that.” Junhoe whines.

“Yarh. Song Yunhyeong.”

“Okay. Okay.” Yunhyeong chuckles as he walks away, leaving the two of them.

Bobby clears his throats. “I… just wanna change my pants.”

“Ya… I understand.” Junhoe holds Bobby’s shirt. “I’m taking this.”

Bobby nods. “Just come to my room again if you want to wear my shirt.”

Junhoe chuckles a bit. He thanked Bobby again before leaving the latter’s room. He notices Yunhyeong at the living room with Chanwoo and Hanbin, probably gossiping about him and Bobby. Oh great. So there are more guests in this apartment.

“I was just borrowing his shirt.”

“We didn’t say anything.” Chanwoo looks at him.

“YET.”

Junhoe walks to his room. He swears he would be extra careful next time or simply just ask from Bobby himself. Then he thinks the first option was better. How could he ask permission from Bobby after the hyung caught him trying to take his shirt? Worse, the other members know about this already. He is not sure himself why he likes taking Bobby’s shirt. Bobby has never realized that his shirt is missing except the yin and yang shirt that he talked on Weekly Idol. The other members never realized this too but now he is caught red handed trying to sneak Bobby’s shirt out.

His inner self is fighting.

_“Maybe because you love Bobby’s scent.”_

_“Or Bobby himself. This is why you are awkward with him. You love Bobby.”_

“Okay let’s not get too far.” Junhoe whispers to himself. He just smiles. He puts on the shirt. “Hmmm…” He sniffs the shirt. Darn right. Bobby’s scent is still on the shirt and it smells good. Maybe he loves that.

 

** The Bathroom **

Bobby finally wakes up after receiving a phone call from his mother.

“Uhhh…okay mom…I’m awake now.”

“What time did you sleep?”

“Uhmm…2.30 maybe?”

“Playing games?”

“Yes.” He laughs. “Alright mom. I’ll be there in 1 hour or so.”

“Don’t be late. Your cousins are here.”

Bobby talks with his mother for another couple of minutes before hanging up. He looks at the time. 11.45 a.m. No wonder. He was busy playing computer games with Chanwoo last night until 2.00 a.m. and only realizing it was late when he wanted to scroll Instagram explore.

He gets up from bed after doing some stretches. He plans to eat breakfast first before bathing.

“Well, good almost afternoon.” Jinhwan glances at him.

“Uhh…good afternoon.” Bobby yawns. He walks to the kitchen. “Is there anything to eat?” He whispers to himself. “Ramen then.”

He eats ramen at the living room with Jinhwan while watching movie. They also talk about a lot of things especially regarding their comeback and tours. It’s going to be hectic schedule again. Plus, they are touring at a few South East Asia countries. It’s been 2 years already since they last tour there.

“Is everyone home though?” Bobby takes his last bite.

Jinhwan just nods. “Yarh. You finished eating already?”

The boys like to tease him because he eats small bites and eats the slowest. While Bobby and Junhoe are on their third bowl, Jinhwan is still struggling to finish one bowl. That’s how slow he eats. He can’t help it since he has small mouth.

“Yes. Okay. I’m gonna bathe now.”

“Clean your own bowl.” Jinhwan glances at him.

Bobby just replies ‘later’ as he already makes his way to the bathroom. He hangs the towel and starts to take off his pants. That’s when he hears the door open but it is too late. He didn’t manage to grab his towel to cover himself although they are all men here and they are used to see each other naked but still, it is a reflex movement.

“Ohhh…Bobby hyung…” Junhoe’s eyes widen upon seeing Bobby’s sexy physique. It’s not the first time he sees naked Bobby but everytime he sees that, it feels like a new feeling. He gulps after realizing himself almost drooling.

“Junhoe. Yahh… Uh…” Bobby stumbles to take his towel, quickly wrapping it around his waist.

“Sorry. I didn’t know. I didn’t hear water. That’s why.” Junhoe avoids eye contact. He licks his dry lips.

“That’s okay. My fault too. Not locking the door.” Bobby coughs a bit. “Are you in a hurry? Because if you are then you use this bathroom first.”

“No. No. I’m not. I just wanted to…pee. Never mind hyung.” Junhoe glances at Bobby’s half naked body now. Damn it’s sexy. He sweats. “I should go.”

Junhoe quickly steps out from the bathroom, running towards the living room almost hitting Donghyuk.

“Are you okay?” Donghyuk looks at him, clueless.

“Yes. I’m okay. We have another bathroom right in this house?”

Donghyuk nods. He glances at the bathroom door. “Why aren’t you using that bathroom?”

“Just because.” Junhoe walks away.

Donghyuk then walks to the bathroom, only to find out that Bobby is using the bathroom right now. So what happened just now? Did Junhoe walk into the bathroom and saw naked Bobby? He chuckles quietly. He’s dying to know. He’d ask Bobby later.

“Why are you giggling?” Bobby looks at him but his eyes wanders to look for Junhoe. He hopes not to see the younger man at least for today. He couldn’t get that image out of his head.

“Uh…nothing.” Donghyuk grins. He’s going to make Bobby tell what had happened earlier.

“Yarh Kim Donghyuk.” Bobby assumes that Donghyuk has figured it out. Donghyuk is smart and quick.

“WHAT?” Donghyuk glances at him.

“You knew something?”

“Maybe…” Donghyuk giggles. He quickly runs to his room.

“Well shit.” Bobby ruffles his hair.

Bobby is 100% sure now. Just hopes that Donghyuk would keep it to himself or else everyone would tease him and Junhoe or maybe…he doesn’t mind that. Bobby smirks. He remembers vividly how Junhoe stared at him. 

 

** The Thunderstorm **

Junhoe is kinda afraid of dark. All thanks to the horror movies and haunted house that he wishes never existed. However, on this fateful day the electricity went out after the loud thunder due to the heavy rain. It is one of those days where Seoul experiences the wettest day in the history. He doesn’t mind the rain but damn the thunder. He is left alone in the apartment. Everyone else must have stranded somewhere unable to go back. He sits alone at the living room, peeking through the curtain but hides again when another thunder hits.

“Hello, anybody home?” Bobby unlocks the door manually. What a dumb question to ask, he told himself. If he was in horror movie, he would be the character who dies the earliest.

“Bobby hyung?” Junhoe switches on the torchlight.

“Oh… Junhoe. You are alone?”

“Yes.” Junhoe keeps the torchlight aside.

“Why are you sitting in the dark? We don’t have candles?” Bobby makes his way to the kitchen. He switches on his phone light while rummaging the cabinet to look for candles.

“No, we don’t have. I’ve checked.” Junhoe responds to him from the living room. He checks the time.

 

8.25 p.m.

 

They have to go to Japan tomorrow morning but they can’t even start packing yet because of the blackout. The rest of the boys aren’t even home. Good thing their flight is in the evening. He hugs a pillow trying to sleep but every time he tries to shut his eyes, thunder strikes and he gets startled again. He gives up. He tosses the pillow aside and stares blankly at the ceiling.

Bobby comes to the living room, looking at the younger man. So only both of them are home. He awkwardly sits on the other side of the couch.

“Uhmm… I wanna go sleep now.”

“What? How? It’s so dark and hot.” Junhoe looks at him.

“And? What about it?” Bobby smiles. He gets up.

“Wait. Don’t go…yet…” Junhoe plays with his fingers. “Err… stay here with me.” He sits properly but not looking at Bobby’s direction.

Bobby is surprised with Junhoe’s invitation. The younger looks timid right now. Is he scared of the thunder? Bobby thinks to himself. He keeps quiet for a moment. The tough maknae is just a kid and timid guy at times. He notices Junhoe flinches a bit when the thunder strikes from loud crack to long ones.

Junhoe becomes anxious and impatient. Bobby is still quiet.

“Uhmm… it’s okay. Forget what I just said.” Junhoe is sulking.

Bobby slowly sits next to him. “I won’t go to my room then.” He looks at Junhoe who is staring at the floor.

“Thanks…”

Then both of them become quiet again. Somehow, they don’t feel awkward sitting next to each other. Probably because they are sitting in the dark and they are not looking at each other’s face or perhaps because the members are not there to tease them.

“I didn’t know you are scared of thunder.” Bobby breaks the silence.

“I am not scared. I am just…”

Before Junhoe could finish his sentence another sharp and long thunder strike again making him flinches and he unknowingly grabs Bobby’s muscular arm.

“Aish.” Junhoe curses. He leans closer to Bobby with his hands still firmly hugging Bobby’s arm. “Stupid thunder. Stupid storm. Ugh.”

Bobby just smiles at this sight.

“Sure. You are not scared.”

Bobby’s husky voice touches Junhoe’s ear. The latter looks at him, only realizing what he has been doing. Junhoe slowly lets go of his grip but deep down it actually feels nice to hug Bobby’s arm. Fans scream whenever Bobby shows off his arms. He considers himself luckier because he gets to touch Bobby’s arm.

_“Wait….what the fuck…”_ Junhoe thinks to himself. He immediately looks the other side even though he knows it is dark.

Bobby clears his throat. He pretends that never happened. He checks his phone again.

 

9.00 p.m.

 

Time really moves slowly. It is still raining heavily and it looks like it is not going to stop sooner. The electricity is still out. There is also no sign of the other boys yet. Bobby starts to feel sleepy already. He can’t play games, can’t even play with his phone too much because he needs to save the battery just in case anything happens. He leans against the couch as he shuts his eyes trying to get some sleep.

Junhoe crawls to the window to look outside. He sees the heavy downpour, his heart feels sad all of sudden. He hugs his knees, thinking of many things.

“Hyung… do you think you would fall in love with someone?”

Bobby hears his question. He opens his eyes a bit, looking at the younger man sitting on the floor whose eyes are fixed outside their apartment.

“I think… Maybe one day. You? Do you want to be in love?”

“Yes. I feel lonely… I want to be in love… feel loved… love someone.” Junhoe replies.

Junhoe sounds so soft right now. Bobby gets up to sit facing Junhoe on the floor. He leans against the window as he keeps looking at Junhoe despite being in the dark. He wants to read Junhoe’s expression and trying to understand the latter’s emotion.

“Do you really want to fall in love or just want some company?” Bobby looks at him.

Junhoe glances at Bobby. The hyung is right. He keeps thinking about the question asked to him. Does he really want to fall in love or he only wants some company? Lately in interviews, he keeps saying he is lonely and wants some love, wants to be loved, wants to love. Some fans want to find a girl for him. He smiles at the thought of that.

“Hmmm… I don’t know.” Junhoe looks at him.

“Don’t rush into finding love. You could suffer later.” Bobby smiles.

Junhoe looks at Bobby’s warm smile. Somehow, it comforts his heart. He looks outside again. Both of them are lost in their thoughts as they just sit there remain silent.

After a while, Bobby slowly gets up.

“Where are you going?” Junhoe looks at him.

“Couch. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.” Bobby jumps onto the couch.

Junhoe gets up too, following Bobby to the couch. He carefully sits at the edge. Before he says something, he flinches again when the loudest thunder strikes that he could feel it on the floor despite living in an apartment. His heart beats so fast and he sweats. He feels this building is going to collapse anytime. The thunder was so loud that he felt the floor vibrates.

“Are you okay?” Bobby leans closer.

Junhoe doesn’t nod or shake his head but his eyes scream help. “I…don’t know.” He covers his ears with his palms, afraid to hear another thunder.

“Come.” Bobby grabs his wrist.

Junhoe doesn’t protest. He is just too scared to say anything. He follows Bobby to the latter’s bedroom. The next thing he knows, he is on the bed with Bobby. He looks at Bobby quickly making the bed as to give more space for both of them. Bobby quickly lies down next to Junhoe, hugging his Pooh. He passes another pillow to Junhoe.

“Hyung…”

“Just sleep. I’ll accompany you until the electricity is back and…until the rain stops.” Bobby responds. He is very sleepy because he can’t do anything in the dark and can’t even go out.

Bobby’s sleepy voice sounds sexy right now to Junhoe’s ears.

“Uh…alright…” Junhoe puts the blanket properly on both of them. He moves closer to Bobby since they are sharing blanket.

“Good night, Junhoe…” Bobby shuts his eyes.

“Good night, hyung…” Junhoe looks at Bobby. He feels grateful and touched with Bobby’s gestures despite them being awkward. He whispers ‘thank you’ and ‘good night’ again while finding the perfect position to sleep.

He shuts his eyes and immediately dozes off. The next morning he wakes up, he realizes Bobby is not on the bed next to him anymore. He wonders if anyone catches them sleeping together. He quickly gets up to leave the comfy bed. He peeks around. The house seems quiet. He assumes that everyone is home but still sleeping.

He bumps into Bobby at the hallway. Bobby just smiles.

“Nobody knows.”

Junhoe nods. “Thank you for last night.”

“No problem. Glad you slept well.” Bobby pats his shoulder as he makes his way to his room.

Junhoe looks at Bobby till the latter disappears into his room. He is indeed really thankful though. He slept well and felt safe despite the roaring thunder though he felt like a child for a moment. Sleeping on the same bed as Bobby wasn’t that bad after all. He was not sure if any of them touched or hugged while they sleep but he doesn’t care. Maybe he wants to sleep on that bed again despite being awkward with the hyung.

 


	5. That Should Be Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanbin is jealous and he wants to be Yunhyeong's "cocktail".

The boys were busy practicing for their upcoming concert on Saturday. They had discussed about their setlist, the stage and the choreography. They were all excited for this concert so that was why they kept practicing till late night as they wanted to give the best to their fans. They learnt that there are always fans from other countries would travel to Korea to meet them and they are very grateful for that.

They were excited because they would dance to their side tracks which are Best Friend, Cocktail and Only You. The highlight is definitely going to be Best Friend choreography. This is because the fans get to see Bobby’s wish finally coming true and that is to do a couple dance with Junhoe. Bobby looked the happiest and all smiling during practice. Junhoe acted cool while dancing with Bobby but Hanbin heard from Jinhwan that Junhoe couldn’t stop talking about the dance with Bobby. Tsundere much.

They practiced Cocktail together with Hi-tech and Crazy Girls dancers. The choreography was cute and they loved it especially Yunhyeong. Maybe he loved it too much. Hanbin kept glancing at Yunhyeong who was having the time of his life dancing with his partner for Cocktail. Hanbin pouted, calmed himself saying ‘it is just a choreo…just a choreo…’

“Are you like jealous?” Jinhwan asked him on the night before the concert.

“What? What are you saying?” Hanbin avoided eye contact.

“Come on. You kept glancing…staring at Yunhyeong… you wanted to fight his partner.” Jinhwan put the dirty laundry into the washing machine. He came to the upper floor for a moment after receiving a text from Hanbin.

“I am not jealous. I just think…they look cute.”

“And?”

Hanbin sighed. He hated how Jinhwan could sense it. “Okay. Fine. Maybe I’m slightly jealous. Maybe I want to do that with Yunhyeong hyung.”

“See. It’s not that hard to admit.” Jinhwan smirked. “Be like Bobby. Go for it. He wanted to dance with Junhoe and he did it.”

“Ugh it’s not easy.” Hanbin leaned against the door. “I’ve liked Yunhyeong hyung so much…but he still hasn’t realized it.”

“Well duhhh. He doesn’t get your subtle hints. Be bold. Like how Chanwoo confessed to me.” Jinhwan proudly smile.

“Please. He was drunk.” Hanbin rolled his eyes.

Jinhwan wanted to sulk immediately. “But at least he meant it and he didn’t take it back after he had sobered up.” He crossed his arms.

Hanbin can’t deny that because it is true. Chanwoo really meant it when he confessed to Jinhwan while he was drunk and right in front of the members. Donghyuk still has the video of the memorable scene. Chanwoo was still brave though, he repeated those words to Jinhwan after he had sobered up.

“Hmmm… then what am I supposed to do? Confess?”

“Yes. Ugh I thought I said this before.” Jinhwan left him alone at the laundry room.

Hanbin quickly chased Jinhwan. He still needed some advice. He looked at Jinhwan who was busy having a moment with Chanwoo at the kitchen. Right, of course Chanwoo tagged along. He kept looking at them and wished he could be like them with Yunhyeong. He wants to hug Yunhyeong too and kiss Yunhyeong’s forehead or do some cute shit with Yunhyeong.

He coughed a little, startling the couple.

“Oh… Hanbin hyung…” Chanwoo smiled.

Jinhwan was hugging Chanwoo’s waist at that moment. He turned to look at Hanbin. “Remember what I told you. Don’t be a creep and stared at him. Just confess.”

Hanbin wanted to protest but he kept silent. He slowly nodded. He looked at the couple again. Great. He’s even more jealous. He wished them good night before quickly leaving the couple alone. He decided not to think about his feelings right now. He wanted to focus on the concert.

The Day.

It’s Saturday. They reached the stadium since morning, rehearsing and making sure everything is ready for the concert. They peeked outside and saw many fans already reached the stadium too. Donghyuk was the happiest because he saw the fans were wearing red colored shirt and comfortable shoes, just as what he told them.

“Ahh… our ikonics are so cute. They are all wearing red today.” Donghyuk smiled widely.

“They listened to you. Whoa. Our new leader.” Bobby laughed.

Donghyuk scrolled on twitter and instagram to stalk the fans. He sat next to Yunhyeong and the two of them were talking and smiling while looking at photos of the fans. Hanbin was getting ready but his eyes kept lurking at Yunhyeong. He was excited and nervous for the concert especially for Cocktail performance. He glanced at Bobby. The hyung was also excited for Best Friend performance. The whole time they were practicing, the boys kept teasing both Bobby and Junhoe. They made the two of them exchanged eye contact. The best record was 5 seconds.

Finally, it was time to perform Cocktail now. When it was Yunhyeong’s turn to sing his lines, Hanbin looked at him and his partner. In that split second, he imagined Yunhyeong doing that to him. Grabbing his nape and pulling him for a ‘kiss’ just like what Yunhyeong did with his partner.

_‘I want to do that too…’_

_‘That should be me…’_

_‘Really hyung really? After all the time we spent together?’_

_'I shouldn’t have given you that line…’_

_'But your voice suits the lines ugh…really hyung really…’_

_'It should still be you…regardless the reason…hyung ughh…’_

During the whole time, he tried to have some moments with Yunhyeong but somehow he just couldn’t get the right time. He noticed how Yunhyeong and Chanwoo had a moment too and heck he was jealous. He also saw Yunhyeong and Donghyuk managed to make a heart together, Yunhyeong and Junhoe playing together, Bobby holding Yunhyeong’s nape as he poured water on the latter and of course the couple dance Yunhyeong did with Jinhwan.

‘Are you kidding me?’ Hanbin thought to himself. He didn’t get the chance to have a bit of moment with Yunhyeong.

After concert ended, after their third or fourth or fifth encore, they were not sure, they finally went to the backstage. They took photos with their families and friends, had some chat before leaving the venue then head straight to a restaurant. Apparently Yang Hyun Suk wants to treat them dinner. They travel in separate vans. The upper floor takes the same van which means this is his chance to have some moments with Yunhyeong. But Chanwoo… He glances at Chanwoo. The maknae puts on his earphone and leans against the seat before dozing off. Perfect! It’s like Chanwoo is cooperating with him. He looks at Yunhyeong.

Yunhyeong applies his lip balm on his chapped lips. He realizes Hanbin is looking at him. He turns to look at the leader and smiles.

“Yes, Hanbin… do you have anything to say?”

_‘Confess……..’_

_‘Dude…..just tell Yunhyeong that you love him.’_

_‘Weak. I can’t believe I’m friends with a weak man like you, B.I. Just confess damn it.’_

_‘I’m sure Yunhyeong hyung likes you too. Just confess.’_

_‘I bet my life savings that Hanbin hyung won’t confess to Yunhyeong hyung.’_

Hanbin recalls all the things the boys said to him. He smiles awkwardly to Yunhyeong. He begins to sweat in the fully air-conditioned van. He looks at clueless Yunhyeong who is waiting for his answer.

“Hanbin? Are you okay?” Yunhyeong is worried. What is wrong with Hanbin? The man looks like he just saw ghosts and his life flashes right before his eyes. “Hanbin…” He touches the younger’s man arm.

Hanbin feels Yunhyeong’s gentle grip on his arm. He melts. “Errr…nothing…nothing…it’s just…you look so handsome.”

WHAT WAS THAT?

Hanbin’s heart beats faster. He notices Yunhyeong’s shy smile. The hyung thank him for the compliment. The two of them continued talking but one thing for sure Hanbin is not listening to anything Yunhyeong is saying. He keeps looking at Yunhyeong, the eyes, the lips, the beautiful face Yunhyeong has. He can’t concentrate. He has forgotten the jealousy he felt because of Cocktail choreography.

In the end, he still wins anyway. He spends time with Yunhyeong and stays in the same apartment. Oh shoot. He can’t believe he is jealous of Yunhyeong’s partner.

“Right?”

“Uh?” Hanbin bites his lower lip. He’s caught. Yunhyeong asked something but he wasn’t paying attention. “What is right?”

“Bobby looks better with his current hairstyle. That’s what I said.” Yunhyeong looks at him.

“Ohhh…ya. I agree. He looks better. He really rocks the purple colour.” He smiles. Relieved! Good thing Yunhyeong repeats what he said earlier without further question.

They reach the restaurant. While waiting for their foods, they scroll instagram explore and twitter to watch their own videos captured by fans. They are teasing Bobby and Junhoe for the Best Friend performance and mainly because of the kiss on the cheek. Bobby is blushing when Donghyuk shows him photos taken by fans. Junhoe tries to keep cool but he ends up giggling. He highkey likes that but he is not going to admit.

“Come on Junhoe. Just say you want Bobby hyung to kiss you again.” Donghyuk teases.

“Aish you guys. Stop it.” Bobby takes a sip of the oolong tea.

“Whoa. Look. I really like Cocktail choreography.” Yunhyeong smiles widely. He keeps replaying the fancam he found on twitter.

Hanbin glances at him. Ugh. Cocktail. Damn it. He thought he could get over it but he was wrong. He is jealous once again. He leans closer to Yunhyeong to peek at the video. Yunhyeong seems to enjoy it so much. ‘Yunhyeong…can’t you see I’m jealous? Stop watching the video ugh. Maybe we should change the choreo…right…’ Hanbin thinks to himself.

“The atmosphere feels weird…” Jinhwan looks at everyone.

They all turn their attention to Jinhwan wondering what he meant. But their attention span is like a squirrel when they see waiter bringing their foods. They are tired but hungry so they just eat their meal quietly. It is rare to see the quiet iKON. It is too quiet that their CEO, Yang Hyun Suk has to say something. They have a little chat with their CEO. It feels awkward for at certain point but good thing their friends and the dancers join them for the dinner too.

After for almost 2 hours, they finally head back home. After wishing good night to the lower floor boys, the three of them walk to their unit. Chanwoo jumps onto the couch the moment they all enter the house. Yunhyeong just laughs at him and pats his head.

“Uhh…Jinhwan hyung calls me.” Chanwoo quickly gets up.

“Why didn’t Jinhwan hyung call you earlier?” Yunhyeong looks at him.

“I don’t know.” Chanwoo chuckles. He walks to his room to take a quick shower before going downstairs.

Hanbin has already finished bathing. He walks to the kitchen to get something to drink. He realizes the house is too quiet. Is everyone sleeping already? He decides to watch something on television.

“Oh…Hanbin. You are still awake?”

Hanbin turns to look at Yunhyeong. The elder man looks fresh after bathing and looking great in the satin pajamas. He nods a few times and invites Yunhyeong to sit next to him which the man obliges. Yunhyeong takes a seat on the couch next to him.

“What are you watching?”

“Hmmm…I don’t know yet…I’m still looking for something to watch.” Hanbin keeps switching to different channels. “Is Chanwoo sleeping?”

“Yes…with Jinhwan hyung maybe.”

“Huh? You mean Chanwoo is downstairs with Jinhwan hyung right now?” Hanbin’s face turns bright.

He loves the maknae even more now. Great! Go sleep with Jinhwan hyung tonight. Perfect. He can be alone with Yunhyeong now. He glances at Yunhyeong. This is the time maybe? He practices what to say to Yunhyeong but who is he kidding? He can’t practice that because he doesn’t know what to say. He feels hopeless.

Silence fills the room. Hanbin becomes anxious. The only sound he could hear is his breathing. He keeps glancing at Yunhyeong who is glued to the cooking show on television.

“Yunhyeong hyung… there’s something in my mind that I want to tell you.”

Yunhyeong looks at Hanbin. He lowers the volume.

“What is it? Are you okay? Just tell me anything.” Yunhyeong pats his shoulder.

“Yunhyeong hyung… I’m jealous.” Hanbin pouts a little.

“Jealous? Jealous of what? Who? Hanbin… look at you pouting.” Yunhyeong chuckles.

“Ugh jealous of… your partner in Cocktail.” Hanbin stares at the floor. “There. I said it already okay. I’m jealous. I wanna be your partner.”

Yunhyeong listens to Hanbin’s earnest confession. He finds it cute though. He cups Hanbin’s face, wanting to look into the latter’s eyes. Hanbin slowly returns eye contact with him. Yunhyeong smiles looking at Hanbin who is like a timid little child right now.

“Hmmm you are jealous? Do you wish to take her place just now? You wanna be my partner huh?” Yunhyeong looks into his eyes.

“Yes…ah silly me for getting so jealous.” Hanbin bites his lip.

“Cute.” Yunhyeong gets up. He pulls Hanbin’s hand. “Come. Get up.”

Hanbin obliges. He gets up and stands facing Yunhyeong. The hyung is still holding his hands. He is wondering what Yunhyeong is going to do right now. He notices Yunhyeong taking his phone out from his pocket and presses play. The intro music from Cocktail fills the living room.

“Wait…hyung…”

“I can’t let my boy feel jealous when he sees me everyday.” Yunhyeong smiles happily.

MY BOY? DID YUNHYEONG JUST SAY THAT? MY BOY? Hanbin blushes a bit. He keeps his attention to Yunhyeong. It feels like they are somewhere right now. Just the two of them. He listens to Yunhyeong humming to Cocktail until the song reaches the bridge which is Yunhyeong’s lines.

“Oh just a sec…” Yunhyeong pauses the song and rewinds it a few seconds, before the song reaches his lines. 

“Hyung…” Hanbin could guess what Yunhyeong wants to do. He can’t believe this.

“Well… since you told me that you are jealous, let’s recreate that choreo with me now.” Yunhyeong’s face turns red.

“Really?” Hanbin gets excited.

Yunhyeong notices Hanbin’s expression turns bright. He nods. “Alright. Let’s do this.” He presses play.

Both of them dance to Yunhyeong’s lines in Cocktail. Yunhyeong grabs Hanbin’s nape, pulling the latter closer for a ‘kiss’ before the two of them laugh out loud. They repeat the same steps until they get even more intimate every time Yunhyeong touches Hanbin’s nape, pulling the younger man closer as he leans for a ‘kiss’.

“Good thing Chanwoo went downstairs… we can do this all night long if you want to.” Yunhyeong can’t believe he says those words.

Hanbin chuckles nervously. He takes turn now, touching Yunhyeong’s nape and pulling the latter closer. They stop, staring into each other’s eyes as they draw closer and closer till no space between them. They can’t hear the music. All they could hear is the sound of their own heartbeat.

“Do you…”

“Yes. I do want to kiss you.” Hanbin bites his lower lip.

Yunhyeong closes his eyes as he feels Hanbin’s lips slowly touch his lips. Hanbin kisses his lips softly at first, carefully caressing Yunhyeong’s lips. They smile between the kiss. It’s a new feeling for both of them. They have never thought of kissing, let alone kissing each other like this. Yunhyeong’s lips are soft and he tastes good, Hanbin feels odd to think that but that is how he feels.

Yunhyeong tastes good.

Hanbin slowly pulls away from the kiss. They smile shyly, laughing for a moment before looking at each other. Yunhyeong keeps touching his lips. He can’t believe what just happened. Hanbin kisses him and he kissed Hanbin back. He actually got to feel that plump lips Hanbin owns.

“Uhm… that was nice.” Hanbin smiles.

Yunhyeong nods. He keeps touching his lips. “You…can kiss huh?”

Hanbin laughs. “You like?”

“I guess…” Yunhyeong blushes.

Both of them stand awkwardly in the middle of the living room with Cocktail on repeat. They promise not to tell anyone about this. They decided to end the night with a movie and being in each other’s arms throughout the night. The next thing they know, they are kissing each other again before slowly falling asleep with Hanbin being the bigger spoon. Hanbin puts his arm around Yunhyeong's waist, pulling the latter closer to his chest. Hanbin never thought this day could end perfectly like this. He kisses Yunhyeong's head softly as he sleeps with a big a smile on his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my mutual and I legit had a conversation and made our own mini fanfic on twitter which in the end turned into this one shot. I hope you all enjoy this lame one. fjffd


	6. The Missing Piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bobby is dead, Junhoe is dying. They are afraid to live but what if you found someone who is your will to continue living?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do NOT read this if you are uncomfortable about death, suggestive suicide attempts.

Junhoe is tired. He is done. He doesn’t want to live anymore. Work sucks, life sucks, he is broke as fuck, his girlfriend dumped him 2 weeks ago because of his current state and runs off with some rich man, he hasn’t been eating proper meals for almost a week and his rent is 1 month overdue. He is lucky that the landlord is kind enough to let him stay for another month so he has to get the money to pay the rent. Today is the worst day. He was fired. He hates the job anyway but he needs the job to put some rice on the table but unfortunately, he was fired. Junhoe doesn’t have the will to live anymore. He goes to the drug store to find something to help him sleep for a while. He hasn’t been sleeping properly for months. Maybe it’s time to sleep.

Junhoe walks around the drug store looking for something to help him sleep. Looking at the racks of medicines suddenly feels like shopping for his favourite tshirt. Everything looks interesting that he wants to try them all. After all, it is his plan to fall asleep right? He keeps looking for something whilst glancing at the pharmacist who seems suspicious of him. The pharmacist is keeping an eye on him.

He finally takes aspirin. He wants the controlled drugs stored in the locked cabinet behind the pharmacist but he knows the pharmacist is going to ask him 20 questions. But he tries asking for sleeping pills, had a little chat with the pharmacist and actually getting the pills he wanted. After paying, he goes to convenience store. Usually, convenience store sells some medicines that people use to treat minor sickness like flu or headache. He takes them all. He really wants to sleep. 

Junhoe reaches his rented apartment about 10 minutes later. He looks around the living room; messy as usual. Clothes everywhere, left over pizza on the table, cans on beers in a box and a few bottles of soju on the floor. He can live like this. He doesn’t care anymore. He tosses his coat aside before making his way to the bathroom. Only his bathroom seems to be the cleanest place in his apartment. He takes a long shower, emptying his mind and trying to relax. He wants to sleep peacefully.

He puts his favourite pants and plain white shirt. He wants to look the best while sleeping peacefully tonight. He checks his phone; no messages, no miss calls, no e-mails. What a loser, he thinks to himself. After he types a lengthy message, his phone is put on silent mode. He switches off the light then crawls onto the bed. Time to sleep. He wants to sleep so badly. 

Junhoe swallowed a few tablets before shutting his eyes...and he sleeps...and sleeps...

 

~~~

 

Bobby doesn’t believe in love anymore. He thinks love is toxic, love is not real, love is just something human being created just so they want to make themselves happy but human don’t know what is love. He feels like human created a trap called love to escape from reality. Love doesn’t exist anymore. However, Bobby was not like this before this. He was madly in love but everything crumbled. Dead. Just like him.

Yes, he had experienced love. That is why he became like this.

He was in love with a man named Kim Hanbin. He dreamt of a family together, a long lasting relationship with Hanbin, buying a house together near the beach and adopt pet first before adopting kids. They laughed about it but Bobby clearly did not have the best laugh. He caught Hanbin cheating him with another man named Jung Jaewon. He could not believe it at first even when his colleague took photos but when he saw them with his two eyes, he was devastated. He confronted Hanbin and the latter admitted. Hanbin just said he lost interest in Bobby because Bobby is always busy and hardly has time for them to be together. Hanbin is clingy. He wants Bobby to be with him always but Bobby was unable to do that but Jaewon is able to. So they broke up.

Then Bobby was in love with someone named Kim Jinhwan. Cute and small guy, he fit perfectly in Bobby’s manly arms. They too dreamt of being together for the rest of their life. That was until Jinhwan admitted that he got tired and bored of Bobby already. He felt like there wasn’t any spark between them anymore. He wanted attention and Bobby did not give that attention. Jinhwan couldn’t feel the love anymore, he was not excited anymore seeing Bobby. He found attention by the name of Jung Chanwoo. He found excitement and love with Jung Chanwoo. The man is everything for Jinhwan. In the end, Bobby let him go.

He lost two men to strangers named Jung. He started to hate that surname. Ever since then, he doesn’t believe love. He doesn’t believe that love exist, love connects two hearts become one, love make you feel special, love make you feel like you are at the top of the world. He doesn’t believe in all those anymore. He HATE the word. The feeling died. He can’t love and feel the love even from his family. That’s how he cut contacts with them. The last time they spoke was 16 months ago. Seoul is big but sometimes it feels small. He stumbles into them at times but he is quick to hide. 

His family members somehow stopped searching for him and trying to contact him but he doesn’t take it to heart. He is glad no one is disturbing him. He quits his job also. Being in corporate world was never fun. He somehow admits that his relationships failed partly because of him. He was too focused on making money but he thought it was for the future. But he blamed his previous relationships for not talking with him whenever he tried to talk with them.

So Bobby started to write songs. He has always keen to write songs. He uses his real name for copyright purposes. The name “Kim Jiwon” seems common so that is why he uses the name, his real name. It feels nice listening to his songs on radio stations and streaming sites. A lot of his songs achieve number 1. He feels good. At least he is doing something right in his life. 

 

~~~

 

Yunhyeong comes knocking at Junhoe’s door. It’s been 10 solid minutes but there’s no answer. He is sure that Junhoe is home because he was informed that Junhoe is no longer working at the company. He becomes impatient and worried.

“I already called the landlord.” Donghyuk looks at him.

“He won’t do anything stupid right? His message last night is making me anxious.” Yunhyeong sweats.

Wrong.

Junhoe is found unconscious on his bed. The landlord, Jaehyun quickly calls the ambulance. Yunhyeong panics. He notices bottles of sleeping pills on the table. Moments later, Junhoe is conveyed to the hospital where he is immediately admitted to emergency department and then transferred to the ICU.

It takes almost 2 days for him to finally regain his conscious.

“Why am I here? Is this heaven?”

“No, Junhoe. This is not heaven.” Doctor Lee gives a warm smile.

“Ohh... then I failed. I thought I reached heaven already.” Junhoe stares blankly at the ceiling.

“You all were quick. Thank goodness.” The doctor speaks softly with Yunhyeong, Donghyuk and the landlord, Jaehyun. 

“What was he thinking?” Jaehyun glances at Junhoe.

“Have you all talked to him? I mean before this... have you all met him?”

“I met Junhoe last Friday. I mean we always meet. But then I received a lengthy message from him last night. I was anxious but I tried to keep calm because Junhoe is always sending such messages. Like he wants to end his life.” Yunhyeong rubs his eyes, trying not to cry.

“Ohh...” Doctor Lee looks at Junhoe. “Hmmm... it seems that you are his closest friend. Please stay with him and take care of him.”

Yunhyeong nods weakly. They talk for another couple of minutes before entering the ward to visit Junhoe. The man is still staring at the ceiling, not realising their presence.

“Junhoe ah...” Yunhyeong sits on the chair next to the bed. 

“Uh... Yunhyeong hyung...” Junhoe smiles a bit. “Donghyuk.. Jaehyun hyung.. you are all here. I can’t believe. I thought I did it... I want to go to heaven already.”

“Junhoe ah... please. Don’t go to heaven... no...” Yunhyeong caresses his head gently. “Why are you doing this? You have me.” He tries not to cry again.

“I’m tired, hyung… Everything in my life is not going as what I planned… as what I want… I’m useless.” Junhoe closes his eyes.

“Junhoe… you have us, do you know that?” Donghyuk looks at him. “Please.”

“Don’t ever scare us like this.” Jaehyun shakes his head.

Yunhyeong keeps caressing Junhoe’s head. The latter looks like a lost child. He decides not to inform Junhoe’s family about this because Junhoe would hate it. Plus, Junhoe  hasn’t been contacting his family for ages already because he chose not to, he feels like he’s a failure and embarrassment to his family so that’s why he stopped contacting them.

“Junhoe, we’ll come back later okay. Now, sleep first.” Yunhyeong puts the blanket properly.

Yunhyeong and Donghyuk discuss with Jaehyun. They have decided to take Junhoe with them to their apartment to take care of him. He can’t be left alone in this condition. Yunhyeong is going to help as much as he could. It hurts seeing his childhood friend like this. Junhoe is too secretive since they have known each other. Junhoe is suffering but he never spills anything and it really hurts. They thank Jaehyun for letting Junhoe stays at the apartment despite the rent is overdue. Yunhyeong also paid for the 2 months’ rent. He is not letting Junhoe out of his sight again. He wants Junhoe to live. He knew what Junhoe was trying to do. He begins to wonder if this is not Junhoe’s first attempt.

Junhoe opens his eyes slowly only to realize that he is still at the hospital. He hates it. He doesn’t want to be here. He gets up, pulling those tubes out. His body feels weak but he tries hard to walk step by step. He glances around. Everyone is busy, the nurses are running to attend the patients and the doctors barely look front as they walk reading through the patients’ records. He knows this is his chance.

He thought.

The nurses and guards are quicker than he thought. They managed to grab him from the ledge before he jumps. He only remembers fighting and struggling to escape, even punching one of the guards. Next thing he knows everything is dark… he can’t open his eyes anymore.

 

~~~

 

How Bobby manages to survive is still amazing, even to himself. He doesn’t even meet the people he’s working with. The most he does is video conference and even through that, Bobby doesn’t reveal his face. He feels like he is Sia before she shows her face. He wants to stay invisible and unknown by only letting his real name known to the public but not his face. He wants to stay lowkey. That is the only way for him to find serenity for himself.

Many thought his real name is Kim Bobby, including his exes. Kim Bobby. He made people who knew him or thought they knew him to believe that he really is dead too. There was even a funeral which he attended also. It felt weird attending his own funeral but he felt good. He wants people to believe he is dead. He couldn’t enjoy his life anymore. Everything feels gloomy and dull, even when he is writing his songs. Most of his songs are dark, sad and longing for love.

Love is the emotion that Bobby doesn’t believe in anymore but he is still yearning for it. Can he experience love again, he is not sure. But right now, he is enjoying his alone time and being invisible in everyone’s eyes. He is dead inside but he prefers living like this. No commitment, nothing to lose, just he and himself.

3:37 PM

Bobby checks the fridge. It’s time to restock it. He takes the recycling bag then heads down to the nearest supermarket just 5 blocks away from his apartment. He wears his favourite hoodie jacket and snapback together with face mask. People are always afraid to go near him but he doesn’t blame them and doesn’t care. That’s the purpose. He wants nobody to bother him. His grocery shopping only takes 15 minutes, 20 minutes top. He already memorizes the supermarket and where the items that he wants are placed. He knows what he wants. It’s always the same anyway.

“Bobby? Is that you?”

He thought someone recognizes him. He turns to look at the owner of the voice only to see another person whose name is Bobby is talking to that stranger. Relieved. He quickly leaves the supermarket.

 

~~~

 

“Junhoe, don’t you ever do that. Ever. Again.” Yunhyeong holds his arm tightly.

“I told you… I want to sleep. I really need to sleep. There’s nothing much to see anyway.” Junhoe breaks down into tears. “Let me sleep, hyung. Please…”

“NO! I won’t allow that. Please Junhoe. I know you are stronger than this.”

Junhoe shakes his head. Only Yunhyeong is in the ward talking to him but he feels everything is noisy. He doesn’t want to hear anyone. He covers his ears with his palm, curling his body and crying his heart out. He keeps repeating that he wants to sleep. He wants to sleep for good.

Yunhyeong almost fainted when he received the call from the hospital.

“Sir, please come to the hospital again. Mr Koo wanted to jump off of the building earlier.”

He could hear the nurse’s voice was trembling. The nurse is probably a junior nurse and is now scarred for life. When he reached hospital with Donghyuk, he saw Junhoe was unconscious. The doctor had no choice. He was suddenly strong to fight the nurses and guards. Doctor Lee suggested to putting Junhoe under watch in psychiatric unit but Yunhyeong declined. Junhoe would not like it and he would definitely do the same thing again. Yunhyeong sounds confident to able to take care of Junhoe but truthfully, he is NOT confident. At all. Further, he and Donghyuk also stay at apartment. Heck, they are going to have to install barrier like taking care of a baby.

Yunhyeong decides to stay overnight to take care of Junhoe. After he kisses Donghyuk and wishing the latter good night, he walks back to Junhoe’s ward. He looks at Junhoe standing by the window, gazing at the stars and the moon. He wishes to read Junhoe’s mind by looking at Junhoe’s sad expression. He misses Junhoe’s loud mouth and the happy smile. What happened? What has Junhoe been hiding all these while? Yunhyeong feels like a bad friend. He rarely asks how Junhoe is doing with his life. But when he asks, Junhoe always says “I’m okay hyung, don’t worry” so Yunhyeong takes it literally. Little did he know Junhoe is suffering so much, Junhoe is dying.

“Junhoe ah… it’s late already.” He pats Junhoe’s back gently.

“Hyung…do you believe in fate? Chance? Unplanned meetings? Strangers with purposes?” Junhoe still gazes at the sky.

Yunhyeong stands next to him. “Hmmm… I do believe… I believe that everyone we meet directly or indirectly meant something for us.”

“How did you meet Donghyuk again?”

“By chance I guess...” Yunhyeong smiles. “Twice. First when I was doing laundry. He took my bag. We didn’t even realize…until we met again when he helped to change my car tyre. All in same day.”

Junhoe smiles a bit as he listens to Yunhyeong’s story.

“You know, Junhoe…you might think some things are just by chance…but like I said, everything serves its purposes whether you realize it or not.” Yunhyeong combs his hair gently.

Junhoe nods. He begins to think. Has ever met anyone by chance?

 

~~~

 

It’s been 2 weeks since Junhoe was discharged. Junhoe is still the same and he still locks himself alone in the room. He would only come out when it is time to eat. Yunhyeong begins to work from home so he could take care of Junhoe. He won’t let Junhoe do things alone just yet.

Junhoe sits at the study table whilst listening to the songs on the radio. His favourite song is being played right now. It is called ‘Tendae’. He wants to meet the person who wrote the song. It’s beautiful. Who hurt the lyricist? What happened? He wants to meet the person badly but how to find ‘Kim Jiwon’ in South Korea? There could be thousands of Kim Jiwon.

“Hey, Yunhyeong hyung. I wanna take a walk to the park for a while.”

“But…at the park?”

Junhoe nods. “Please…hyung… Let me go alone. Don’t worry. I won’t do anything stupid.” He knows that Yunhyeong would be worried. “I will text you when I reach the park.”

Yunhyeong smiles. He knows he has been treating Junhoe like a child but he has no choice. That’s the only way to take care of Junhoe since the latter is still recovering. As if last week, Junhoe did not try to jump off of the rooftop of this 24 storey apartment. Junhoe still says he wants to sleep, really fall asleep which is why Yunhyeong is still worried.

“Hmmm…alright. Alright. You better text me.” Yunhyeong chuckles a bit. The truth is, he could track Junhoe’s phone but the latter hasn’t figured it out yet.

“Okay.” Junhoe grabs his phone, his notebook and earphone.

“Come back early.” Yunhyeong waves at him.

Junhoe just nods.

 

~~~

 

Bobby is a little bit uninspired lately so he decides to go to the park. Maybe he could get some idea to finish up the song he has started writing since two days ago. After he gets off of the bus, he walks towards a big tree. Perfect shady spot. He sits on the grass with his eyes wanders around at other park visitors.

There are kids with their parents, couples from all ages, university students hanging out at the park and people exercising and jogging. Everyone is happy in their own world. Bobby is not going to lie; he too wants to feel joyous again. He wants to be alive again but is he ready? Is he ready to be alive again and face the harsh world? Being dead seems better because he doesn’t have to be conscious of people around him and vice versa. He is comfortable that way.

Bobby takes his book out and starts writing.

“Excuse me. May I borrow a pen?”

Bobby looks up to see the owner of the deep voice. He is speechless for a moment. He has never seen a man this attractive. He blinks a few times to make sure he is seeing the right thing at this moment and that he is not sleeping. But apparently, he is wide awake and the man standing in front of him is real, waiting for his response.

“Pen? Sure.” Bobby clears his throat. He takes a black ink pen then passes it to the man.

“Thanks.”

Bobby nods. He is still mesmerized. The man is too handsome. His face was carved by God and God took good amount of time to create that man. He glances at the handsome stranger. The stranger is sitting under a tree opposite him, busy writing something on his notebook with his eyes looking around at people at the park. Guess both of them came to this park for the same purpose; to write.

Bobby finally finishes the song. He reads the lyrics again and again. Satisfied, he keeps his notebook aside to rest for a moment. He notices the handsome stranger is still writing on his notebook. He tries to read the stranger’s face; sad, isn’t bright. Kinda like him too?

He looks at the stranger one last time before slowly dozing off.

Junhoe finishes writing his poem. He keeps glancing at the mysterious man in black hoodie who lend him the pen. The mysterious man has husky, rough voice and he sounds like he mumbles his words. That man is also wearing a mask so Junhoe could only see the man’s empty gaze. It felt weak and lifeless. His eyes are small but Junhoe was able to look into the man’s eyes. It really felt lifeless…kinda reminds of himself too.

He is inspired to write a poem about the mysterious man. He ditches the poem that he was unable to complete so he could write about the man he met. The time suddenly stop, it is like as if only the two of them are the last ones on earth. The short span of time they exchanged looks make Junhoe even more curious. He feels like he could connect to that man.

Junhoe wants to know more about the man. He slowly gets up and approaches the mysterious man. He notices the notebook is wide open. He kneels to read what the mysterious man had written. It looks like poems…or lyrics. So this man sings? Junhoe quickly gets up. He feels like he is invading the man’s privacy. He writes a note and leaves it together with the pen.

“Thank you…” Junhoe whispers.

 

~~~

 

Bobby wants to meet the handsome stranger again. He hates himself for a second for falling asleep. If he was awake, he could have asked for the stranger’s phone number. But he thinks again. Is he brave enough to ask a stranger’s phone number after only meeting once? He knows he is not brave enough and it would be a waste. He is dead anyway. Why would he want someone to die with him too?

He sits down to enjoy his breakfast while reading morning news on twitter.

 

_BREAKING NEWS: A man was found unconscious in an apartment. He has been rushed to the emergency unit and is now battling to live. We will update further._

 

Bobby is so curious. Who could that be? The tweet was tweeted 4 hours ago. He scrolls to read some more. It seems that the man is still unconscious. He reads more from other news sites.

 

_UPDATE: The man is identified as Koo Junhoe._

 

Koo Junhoe? Poor guy, Bobby thinks to himself. But he understands why this Koo Junhoe guy took such decision. He was at Junhoe place too but he was successful, in a way, faking his death. Before he faked his death, he tried to make it real. But an old lady was quicker to find him floating at the surface of the lake.

He wishes to meet this Koo Junhoe person.

 

~~~

 

Junhoe opens his eyes. Disappointed. He realizes that he is at the hospital. He finally regained unconscious 2 hours ago and is being kept under doctor’s watch in the intensive care unit. He hates it. He is still alive. He shuts his eyes again, remembering moments before he decided to take his own life.

Yunhyeong and Donghyuk were out for their work. It is their busiest week so they are rarely home. Yunhyeong had to leave the house apparently to continue his work. So Junhoe was left alone. Junhoe feels like he keeps lying to himself. He doesn’t want to live anymore. He applied for multiple jobs only for these companies to reject him. What did he do wrong? He feels worthless again. He feels indebted to Yunhyeong and Donghyuk, so that’s why he is trying hard to find a job so he could leave their apartment. He doesn’t want to be a bother anymore.

Yes, he doesn’t want to be a bother anymore. That was when he decided to take his own life.

Veins.

Junhoe opens his eyes again. He glances at his wrist. Damn it. Yunhyeong and Donghyuk came home on time. He thought he was going to succeed this time. He really doesn’t have the will to live anymore. He’s a failure and a burden to Yunhyeong and Donghyuk. He is ashamed. How could he ever repay them?

His condition is slowly getting better but he is still kept under doctor’s watch. He sees Yunhyeong and Donghyuk walking into his ward.

“Good evening, Junhoe.” Yunhyeong sits on the chair next to him.

“Hyung…” Junhoe avoids eye contact. He keeps staring at the wall instead.

“You know…you were on the news…and your parents are on their way now.” Yunhyeong looks at him.

Junhoe doesn’t know how to react to this but one thing for sure he doesn’t want to meet them. Why he has to meet them? Like this? In hospital? Weak like this? With zero desire to live? What are they going to do with him? Take him home? There are so many questions in his mind right now that he could not utter to Yunhyeong.

“Your parents…are going to take you home.” Donghyuk seems to read Junhoe’s mind. He glances at Yunhyeong with a bitter smile.

Junhoe closes his eyes. He is tired. “Let me sleep. Please.” He whispers. “Sleep forever.”

 

~~~

 

Bobby reaches the hospital. He really wants to meet Koo Junhoe. How? He doesn’t know. The hospital personnel would definitely not reveal anything about the patient. He is trying to figure out how to meet Koo Junhoe. He MUST meet that man. He wants to have a chat with Junhoe. Death. A topic that nobody likes but he knows Junhoe would talk about it with him.

Meanwhile Yejin, Junhoe’s sister buys him watermelon juice at the café. Junhoe is suddenly craving for it. Maybe it’s a sign for him to really be gone from this world, he thought. He looks at Yejin holding two cups of watermelon juice as she approaches him with a smile. He almost didn’t recognize Yejin. She’s becoming matured and prettier. He feels awkward with her after not meeting her for a long time.

“Here you go, Junhoe. Watermelon juice for you.” Yejin sits opposite him.

Junhoe?

Bobby happens to be at the café too when he hears the name Junhoe. Is this the same Junhoe? Koo Junhoe? He looks to the lady and a man on a wheelchair. His heart drops. He recognizes the man immediately. The handsome stranger! The man looks weak and tired, soulless, and thinner than the day Bobby met him.

Bobby immediately walks away. He doesn’t want to be seen yet.

“Thanks, Yejin.” Junhoe answers weakly. He keeps glancing at his wrist. If only he could make it…

Yejin just smiles. She looks at him. “So, how Junhoe ah? Are you…coming with us? We will take you somewhere so you can relax…”

“Peacefully?”

“Huh? Yes… peacefully… I mean… as in… better environment and fresher air.” Yejin bites her lip. She is afraid Junhoe would think it different.

“Hmmm… yes I want to relax peacefully forever but I don’t need fresh air anymore. I just want to relax forever.”

Yejin becomes sad again. It really hurts seeing her brother like this. Where is the happy Koo Junhoe? Where is that loud and annoying Koo Junhoe? Where is that Koo Junhoe who called her ugly all the time? Where is that Koo Junhoe who teased her whenever she tried new clothes? Where? Can God give Koo Junhoe back to her life? She misses him so much. What really happened to Koo Junhoe that made him to be like this?

“Is there anything else you want to drink? Eat something maybe? Waffles? Or rice with unagi. I know you love unagi right.” Yejin tries to change topic.

“No…I don’t want anything else. I just want to sleep.”

“Okay…” Yejin almost whispers. Tears roll down her cheeks. She quickly wipes her tears as she pushes the wheelchair back to Junhoe’s ward.

Junhoe once again insists to not wanting to go follow his parents back home. His mother touches his cheeks gently, looking into his eyes and asks again. Junhoe still gives the same answer. He apologizes to his parents and sister but he can’t go home. He doesn’t want to go home. He doesn’t want to be cured.

“I won’t ask that anymore. Yejin, let’s go.” His mother wipes her tears.

“Goodbye…I hope I will still see you again.” Yejin kisses his forehead deeply.

“Koo Junhoe…I want to hear your loud laugh again…and drink with you.” His father pats his hand before making his way out.

Junhoe shuts his eyes again. He feels nothing.

 

11:40 P.M.

 

Bobby finally found Junhoe’s ward. He peeks from outside, noticing Junhoe is sitting on the bed writing something. He remembers the day he met Junhoe at the park. Writing. Black pen. He smiles a bit. Somehow, he feels happy meeting Junhoe again?

He gathers his courage to knock the door.

“Come in…” Junhoe answers softly. He continues writing without even looking who’s at the door because he doesn’t care. It could be a serial killer and he would gladly give his life.

Bobby enters the ward. “Hi…” He clears his throat. He slowly approaches Junhoe whose attention is diverted to him. “You are Koo Junhoe.”

“Yes. I am Koo Junhoe.” Junhoe puts his book aside. He could only see the man’s eyes. He recognizes it immediately. Mysterious man at the park! “Wait… you… the black pen guy.”

Bobby nods. He glances around the ward. He takes a seat on the chair next to the bed. Junhoe still looks at him like he sees a ghost.

“Oh wait. I probably seem rude right now. My name is Bobby.” He takes off his mask for the first time. Ever, to someone he barely knows.

Junhoe loves seeing the small eyes. Then when Bobby removes the mask, Junhoe feels happy? He has forgotten how happy feels like. Bobby is so cute though? The bunny teeth and the awkward smile. Bobby IS cute. The man looks shy when he removes his mask, makes Junhoe wonders if this is the first time he shows his face to anyone. Bobby looks handsome too, looks manly.

“Hi, Bobby. Is that your real name?” Junhoe can’t stop staring at Bobby’s face.

“Hmmm…actually no. My real name is Kim Jiwon but I often use Bobby.”

“Kim Jiwon?” Junhoe remembers when he peeked at Bobby’s notebook. Could it be? “Did you just say Kim Jiwon?” He knows there are thousands of Kim Jiwon but he feels this is the Kim Jiwon that has written and produced many beautiful songs.

“Ya. Kim Jiwon. I know…it sounds so common.” Bobby smiles a bit.

“Ahh…I didn’t mean like that.” Junhoe looks at his notebook. “Do you want me to read you my poem? There is one…I wrote…after meeting you.”

This is the first time for Junhoe to read his poem to anybody. He never reveals his poems, not even to Yunhyeong and Donghyuk. But when he sees Bobby now, he feels like he wants to share everything with that man when he only knows Bobby for 10 minutes for now. Somehow there is something in Bobby that makes him feel calm and comfortable.

“Oh wow! You wrote about me? I mean…after meeting me? Only just…what…I only lend you my pen though.” Bobby smiles shyly. He puts his mask aside. He sits closer to Junhoe.

“I know…but I feel happy. I don’t know why. It’s only a pen but it made me happy. I was writing another poem but when I saw you, I just have to write about you.” Junhoe replies. He flips through the pages to find the poem he wrote.

He starts to read his poem to Bobby. He says the word one by one, calmly, so that Bobby would listen to each words used in this poem. He glances at Bobby and the latter is listening to him attentively. This makes him happier. He finally finishes reading his poem.

 

_When the sea feels lonely_

_It can make crashing waves to express its feelings_

_When the wind feels bored, it can travel far to somewhere else_

_When it’s lonely, it can make stronger gusts_

_The surface of the river seems peaceful_

_But when it feels lonely or sad_

_It cannot express itself_

_Sometimes when the sky feels loney,_

_Its rain makes the river feel uneasy_

_I feel like I exist on the river_

 

“So…how was it?” Junhoe looks at him.

“It’s beautiful, really. It was well written, so much depth in the poem…and it only took a pen for you to write this about me.” Bobby smiles widely. This is such an alien feeling for Bobby? Happy? It’s been a while. He really loves the poem.

“Thank you.” Junhoe puts his notebook aside.

Both of them remain silent for a moment, lost in their own thoughts. Bobby stares at the wall. There are so many questions that he wants to ask Junhoe and same goes for Junhoe. Who is Bobby? How Bobby manages to make him read his poem? How he feels comfortable and calm with Bobby? Kim Jiwon? Is he the same Kim Jiwon who wrote Tendae?

Bobby wants to know how Junhoe makes him happy. They only knew each other’s names but Bobby feels happy, so happy. Something inside Bobby that pushes him to make him feel alive again and this happens after meeting Junhoe? After Junhoe reads the poem about him? He is not sure. He almost forgets the reason to meeting Junhoe. He looks at Junhoe.

“I read about you in the news…I’m sorry…I don’t mean to be…pushy? But I want to know…what happened to you.”

“Why do you want to know about me?” Junhoe looks at him.

Bobby smiles a bit. “You remind me of…me.” He stares at the floor. “I have no will to live anymore. I am… dead to this world. Nobody knows me anymore, nobody remembers me. Everyone knows I’m dead… there was a funeral.” He fakes his laugh. “Ah… I just assume… because from what I read… this is not your first attempt.”

Junhoe feels like crying. Not because he can relate to Bobby but he pities Bobby…he pities himself. It sucks. It is not fun to find someone who feels the same way as how he feels. No will to live. Nothing could drive him to keep living. When Bobby just said like that, he really pities both of them.

“Yes… same, Bobby. I have no will to live anymore. But I’m still trying to find motivation to live. I feel indebted to my best friends. They are helping me but sometimes I’m tired. I’m really tired, Bobby. I am jobless… hopeless… homeless.” Junhoe rubs his eyes. “That’s why I attempted again but I woke up here… in this hospital.”

Bobby listens to Junhoe’s words. They are two saddest persons at this moment. He wants to comfort Junhoe, hug Junhoe and tell Junhoe that everything is going to be okay but who he is kidding right now? He can’t even comfort himself but the urge to comfort Junhoe is strong. He wants Junhoe to live but how he is going to do that when he makes himself dead from the world?

Both of them are quiet for a second.

“Can you read…anything that you wrote on that day we met?” Junhoe breaks the silence.

“Uh? You want me to read what I wrote?” Bobby looks at him.

Junhoe nods. “Well, if you don’t mind.”

Bobby smiles. He takes his notebook out from his bag. “Here I go.” He starts reading a verse from the song he wrote the other day but it is still untitled.

 

_It’s still a long way to go till morning_

_Why do you keep trying to sleep?_

_There’s still a lot that I prepared for you tonight_

_Even if there’s a red light on your cheeks_

_I wanna be your sinner_

_Will you trap me next to you?_

 

Junhoe closes his eyes as he listens to Bobby. It sounds like song lyrics. Bobby almost sings instead of reading which makes Junhoe laughs a bit. He loves it. Bobby writes well. At this rate, he is 100% sure that Bobby really is THE Kim Jiwon. The Kim Jiwon who wrote his favourite song, Tendae. He wants to ask Bobby but he holds back that thought. It’s better to pretend not to know that Bobby is the Kim Jiwon that he has always liked. A lyricist that the public has never seen and met. Indeed, a mysterious guy.

“I love it, Bobby.” Junhoe looks at him. “Especially when you said… ‘there’s still a lot that I prepared for you tonight…I wanna be your sinner?’ I love it…” He smiles.

Those lyrics manage to brighten up his mood. He wants to experience that; being someone’s sinner and having someone prepared a lot for him. He wants to be the person Bobby meant in those lyrics. He could sense the needy in Bobby’s lyrics. Bobby wants to be loved and wants to love.

But is Bobby afraid of being in love?

Bobby chuckles. “Thank you.” He looks at his notebook. “I wish…there is someone is my life…that would bring me back to life.”

“Do you still wish to live?” Junhoe sits properly.

Bobby nods slowly. “But I’m afraid…I refuse any help and eventually, I ‘killed’ myself. I haven’t found anyone that makes me want to live again.”

“I have friends who are helping me while you have no one. I suddenly feel ungrateful.” Junhoe thinks about Yunhyeong and Donghyuk. The two of them are sacrificing their time and are trying hard to help him but he repays them like this?

Bobby smiles a bit. He keeps his notebook. “You are lucky. Please always tell them that you love them. At least…you won’t feel much regret.” He slowly gets up. “You know, it is really nice meeting you. We have something in common. We love to write. Maybe we can meet again after this?”

Junhoe suddenly feels like he just found his will to live. He nods immediately. He writes down his phone number on Bobby’s notebook. This is like writing love notes to school crush. He is happy. He can’t wait for tomorrow and days after tomorrow. He wants to meet Bobby again.

Bobby waves him goodbye before leaving the ward. He looks at the phone number Junhoe wrote on his notebook. He is already excited to meet Junhoe again. He feels better and happier, something that he hasn’t been experiencing for so long. He is actually looking forward for future. Maybe he found his will to live. Maybe Junhoe just managed to slowly bring him back to life or is it too soon to say this? But whatever it is, Bobby wants to continue living so he could meet Junhoe.

All Junhoe and Bobby need is each other. They are each other’s missing piece. One is dead and one is dying but somehow, they learn about each other and then they realized that the will, the desire to live is being in each other’s company without them expressing it verbally. Their next meeting is better than they expected. Guess, Junhoe doesn’t want to sleep for good…and Bobby, maybe he wants to get out from his ‘grave’.

 

_You just need the right person._

 

Junhoe and Bobby often meet ever since they met at the hospital. They feel the need to see each other although for just 5 minutes. Sometimes they ‘meet’ through video calls just to say hello and good morning. They probably realized by now that they are each other’s strength and will to continue living. A simple text message is also good enough for both of them to remind that each day is a good day. They realized that…but they don’t admit it, they don’t tell how they need each other.

Yunhyeong and Donghyuk are the happiest to see how well Junhoe has been improving. But they don’t know who or what makes Junhoe become like this because the latter is still secretive. Still, they don’t push or ask Junhoe any further because they just want to see their friend living his life happily and is actually looking forward for a new day. It’s really nice to see the changes in Junhoe.

It’s Sunday. Bobby promises to meet Junhoe as usual. While waiting for Bobby to finish church, he writes his poem. He received a deal from a company to publish his poems. This makes him nervous but excited. He gave it a shot about 2 weeks ago with the help from Bobby who keeps encouraging him to approach various companies to publish his poems. It has always been his dream. He said before how he wants people to read his poems when he goes to sleep, at least people would appreciate his work while he is sleeping.

But meeting Bobby changes how he feels. He wants to see people read and appreciate his work. He wants to witness all that. Also, he wants to appreciate Bobby’s work. Bobby finally admitted that he is THE Kim Jiwon after their heartfelt confession and 2 a.m. talk. Both of them cried so much that they fell asleep in each other’s arms. Junhoe learnt how Bobby is not only afraid to live but he is afraid to love. Bobby yearns such emotions but he is afraid; not afraid of rejection but afraid of how the relationship would be like. Bobby cried a lot talking about the two men he loved, namely Hanbin and Jinhwan.

Junhoe shared about how his life has been failing. Everything did not go the way he wanted and it is really tiring for him to handle. He told Bobby the numerous attempts he tried so he could sleep forever. But he told Bobby that he hasn’t been thinking or attempting anymore for almost 2 months and it is almost 2 months since they met at the hospital. He is always looking forward to each day so he could meet Bobby. He doesn't want to end his life because that would mean he won't meet Bobby anymore. That's how Junhoe feels lately and he told Bobby about it. Bobby seems happy to be the person Junhoe wants to meet.

Both of them fell asleep in each other’s arms that night. Bobby has never been happier to wake up in someone’s arm and he hopes Junhoe feels the same.

 

~~~

 

Sunday. Church day. Bobby already promised to meet Junhoe after this. As he is about to leave, he meets the Father.

“It’s been so long right, Kim Jiwon.”

Bobby holds back his tears. He nods. He can’t believe Father Um Jiha still remembers him. He thought he had completely thrown every traces of him to make his death believable and to make everyone forget his existence but Jiha still remembers him. He doesn’t know how Jiha could still remember him but part of him actually feels glad. He feels happy. He has known Jiha since he moves to Seoul which is about 8 or 9 years ago.

“Hello Father.” Bobby bows. “Yes, it’s been so long. I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay, Jiwon.” Jiha approaches him. “How are you doing? You look so much better now.” He pats Bobby’s shoulders.

“I’m doing fine. I think. I do feel so much better, Father. Really.” Bobby smiles.

“I’m happy then.” Jiha looks at him. “Are you still hiding though?”

“Still but I’m slowly…coming back to life.” Bobby chuckles a bit. “All it takes is to meet someone. I really cherish him…maybe I love him too.”

“May I know his name?”

“Koo Junhoe.” Bobby smiles wider thinking about Junhoe. “We have two things…that brought us together. Writing and…death.” He looks into Jiha’s eyes.

“Death? That's really... interesting. It’s something people hate to talk about. Death. Everyone is not ready. Everyone doesn’t want to touch this topic. Yet you found someone…who is dying? With no desire to live? Death brought you two together?” Jiha returns his eye contact.

“Funny isn’t it? He really was dying. I am dead. But ever since we met…I don’t want to let him die and I don’t want to stay dead too.” Bobby chuckles.

“The world works in mysterious way, Jiwon.” Jiha holds his shoulder. “Maybe you two are the missing pieces to each other. Are you happy when you are with him?”

Bobby nods.

“Is he happy when he is with you?”

“I think he is happy. I’ve never seen such a beautiful smile…his laugh is loud and annoying. When he laughs or smile, you could barely see his eyes.” Bobby smiles shyly. “But I think he is happy.”

Jiha looks at him. “Don’t let him go. Live with each other happily.”

“Uhmm…like…dating?” Bobby is suddenly flushed.

“Well I didn’t mean it like that. Unless you love him.” Jiha chuckles. “Take care Jiwon. Come here again and maybe bring Koo Junhoe along.” He walks away.

Bobby bows to Jiha. He scratches his head as he keeps thinking of Jiha's words. He then look at the time and realizes he is late. He quickly runs to meet Junhoe only to almost bump into the man.

“Junhoe!”

“Bobby…” Junhoe looks at him.

Both of them stand looking into each other’s eyes without uttering a word. They miss each other and it’s only been 4 days of not meeting. Bobby then pulls Junhoe into his embrace making the latter surprised but he hugs Bobby’s back. Junhoe loves being in Bobby’s arms. He feels safe.

“I…miss you.” Bobby finally speaks.

“I miss you too.” Junhoe almost whispers.

They hug for a good 5 minutes, ignoring the stares they are getting. Bobby remembers what Father Jiha said. Live with Junhoe happily. They are each other’s missing piece. They know it but they just couldn’t say it. After a while, they slowly pull away from their hug with a shy smile on their faces.

“I’m sorry…that just…errr…” Bobby touches his nape. He is suddenly nervous in front of Junhoe.

“That’s okay, Bobby. I like…when you hug me.”

“Can I hug you again?” Bobby looks at him.

Junhoe nods. This time he makes the first move. He walks into Bobby’s arms, hugging the latter’s waist tightly, not wanting to let Bobby go. He intended to go to the church to pray but guess God answers his prayer already. He is thankful that he is living now because Bobby came to his life. He loves Bobby and he hopes Bobby knows that.

Bobby kisses Junhoe’s forehead softly. He loves Junhoe so much. He is happy that Junhoe brings him back to life and allows him to experience love again. The only person that matters the most now is Junhoe. He will let Junhoe know that he loves the man.

_When you meet the right person who fixes your broken heart and brings you to life, letting you to look forward to new day, never let go of the person._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probably the longest one shot 'short'. Junhoe's poem translation credit to twitter user @bynhyuk


	7. Jerk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You decided to learn some jiujitsu but your trainer, Junhoe, is a little headass

That’s it. You decided to learn some self-defense after you were daylight robbed last week. Partially it was your fault because you were too engrossed on your phone that you were unaware of the surrounding. The next thing you know you were on the ground after a thief caught your handbag and you fell on your face first. Tragic.

You told your friend about this.

“It is…sort of your fault…” Heesun responded.

“Thanks sister. I knew I could count on you.” You pretended to get angry when in fact you agreed. You were careless anyway and this was not the first time.

“So, what are you planning to take? Taekwondo? Aikido?”

“Jiujitsu.”

“Jiujitsu?”

You nodded.

“So, have you found any jiujitsu class or anything?”

 

~~~

 

“Well, this is your trainer, Koo Junhoe.” Seungri, the owner of the Jiujitsu Training Centre, introduces you to the trainer. “Junhoe, this is Violette Jun.”

Damn, he looks handsome but annoying. Look at that smug face! He knows he’s handsome. There are many handsome men you have seen before but why he looks handsome, more handsome than others? You are instantly attracted to his visual. If he was an idol, fans would drop on their knees to worship him…maybe including you. You put his photo as wallpaper or something.

“Hi, Koo Junhoe. Yes, I’m Violette Jun.” You smile.

“Hmmm hi.” Junhoe replies half-heartedly.

Well, fuck you too bitch! You thought to yourself. He is cancelled immediately. Maybe you just dreamt of dating Junhoe but guess the dream has been crushed after not even 5 minutes meeting this man. You suddenly regret taking this class. Maybe you should just allow people to rob you. It’s easier that way. You are getting anxious. Seungri is saying something to you but you are not paying attention to a single word he is saying. You keep glancing around, hoping that there would be other trainer.

“So are you okay with the training time?” Seungri looks at you.

“Hah?” You realized you are doomed now. “Err…uhmm…so the training would be…”

“Three to four times a week, evening or night. You can choose. Junhoe is free on certain days so maybe you two can discuss for a proper schedule.” Seungri smiles widely.

You are relieved that Seungri repeats to you. You nod whilst glancing at Junhoe. The man still looks uninterested. Ugh whatever. Who does he think he is? Oh my Lord. Just because he is very handsome, has prominent jawline and thick, luscious lips, he is acting like this? Yes he has the right to act like this but that’s not fair. Is this handsome people privilege?

“Okay. Thanks, Seungri.” You bow your head. You grip the hem of your shirt tightly with your eyes fix on Junhoe.

“So…Jun? Your name has Jun in it too?” Junhoe folds his arms.

“And what about it?” You look straight at him. It takes two to tango and I can do that too, you think to yourself.

“Uh…well, nothing.” Junhoe is a little bit surprised with the way you respond but he kind of likes it. He knows you are one tough girl to handle; physically, easy but your attitude, maybe it is difficult. “Anyway, I’m free on Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Sunday.” Junhoe looks at you. “How about you?”

“You are free on Friday night?” You try not to laugh. Guess not all handsome men get dates easily, especially a guy like him.

“What’s wrong with free on Friday night?”

“Nothing. Nothing.” You bite your lip. “Hmmm…” You check your schedule. “I’m free on those days except Friday of course.” 

“No wonder you laughed at me.” Junhoe snorts. “So...just 3 days?”

“3 days. For now.” You hold the strap of your backpack.

“Alright.” Junhoe takes his jiujitsu uniform. “Start next week okay.” 

“Okay. Hmmm... Can I have your phone number?”

Junhoe raises his eyebrow as he looks at you. He smirks. You notice that smirk that you roll your eyes so far, they have reached Pluto. You keep yourself composed as you look back at him waiting for him to respond but he keeps smirking which annoys you. 

“Pssh... don’t get me wrong. This is how we are going to communicate. I don’t have owl like Harry Potter.” You take your phone out.

Junhoe finds you even more interesting. A girl looks soft on the outside but is trying to give an attitude to him. He finally tells you his phone number and asks you to miss call him. 

“Alright. See you next week. Training starts at 8pm by the way. Are you cool with that?”

“Yeah! 8pm.” You smile a bit. You realize you have to loosen up to a man like him but you have never encountered someone like Koo Junhoe. How frustrating and annoying!

Junhoe smiles. He keeps his jiujitsu uniform in his bag before walking away leaving the gym. He takes his phone out to save your phone number. He rarely saves anyone’s phone number, not even his best friends. He only saves his family members’ phone numbers. Well, they are all in group chat so he figures there is no need to save their numbers. But he suddenly feels like saving yours. He smiles widely at the thought of you trying to give him an attitude.

“Hmmm... Violette Jun... Jun.” Junhoe stares at his phone screen.

You are a little bit surprised when you see Junhoe smiling at you. So he could actually smile? Maybe you would give him a chance, you think to yourself. 

 

~~~

 

“Your trainer is Koo Junhoe?”

“Yeah.” You put the drinks on the table.

Lunch time. You sit down with your colleague, Jinhwan. You told him about your first jiujitsu class this coming Tuesday, about the reason you decided to take this class and the trainer. Of course the most important topic is about the trainer. You also told him how annoying this Junhoe is even though he is very handsome but you still want to bury Junhoe in a mud hole or something.

“I can’t believe it.” Jinhwan takes a sip of his iced mocha.

“Why?” You look at Jinhwan.

“I know Junhoe. We go to the same jiujitsu training centre. I’m a trainer too remember?”

“Ugh why can’t you be my trainer?” You pout.

“Sorry. You should have come to the centre on Wednesday.” Jinhwan giggles.

You sigh. You are excited but somehow a little bit nervous for your first training session. 

“Uh... Jinhwan... how is Junhoe? Overall? I mean his personality.”

“Well, it is hard for him to open up to new people. He’s a tsundere. He doesn’t know how to show that he cares.” Jinhwan pauses as he chews his food properly. “When he doesn’t like something, he would tell you and show it with his face. He acts tough and cool but he’s actually very soft and sweet guy.”

You listen to how Jinhwan describes Junhoe. You are not buying a single thing but because Jinhwan is friends with Junhoe, so guess Jinhwan knows better than you. Junhoe suddenly sounds like a dreamy guy, like a fictional character. Cool guy with soft heart.

“Did I mention yet that he likes to write poems?”

“Poems?”

Jinhwan nods. “Junhoe would listen to some mellow songs, drink whiskey and writes his poems. He likes to share bits of his work on instagram.” 

“Instagram?”

“Here.” Jinhwan takes his phone out. He clicks Junhoe’s profile then he passes his phone to you.

“Holy shit. Look at that abs. Fuck?!” You gasp loudly.

Jinhwan laughs out loud. “Yea... he works out and loves to show his abs.” 

“Wow damn. He is sexy as fuck.” You scroll further and notice most of Junhoe’s instagram posts are his poems. You click one and read it. 

“He would be so happy if he knows this.” Jinhwan looks at you.

“Wow. His poem is so beautiful. He really writes all these?” You glance at Jinhwan in which he nods. “Wow…” You are still speechless.

“See. He’s not that bad. You barely know him.”

“I guess you are right. I shouldn’t judge him too soon.” You smile awkwardly.

 

**TUESDAY, 7.45 PM**

 

You park your vehicle at the basement. Luckily you manage to arrive before 8.00. You almost text Junhoe that you could be late because of the ‘traffic jam’ at the office but you were able to sort things out and left office on time. You are a little bit nervous for your first training session with Mr. Cold Guy (Jinhwan is going to kill you if he knows that’s the name you saved for Junhoe’s contact number). You pray that things would go smoothly and Mr. Cold Guy won’t be such a headache tonight or else you would beg for Seungri to switch trainer.

You change your clothes to the jiujitsu uniform. You look at the belt. White belt. You suddenly feel demotivated especially after you just walked passed by another group of people with black belt. You look at yourself in the mirror. Get a hold of yourself sweetie. You signed up for this to learn some basic self-defense because your careless ass is always getting robbed not because to aim the black belt. Okay getting a black belt would be nice though but that is not your top priority.

Junhoe reaches the centre too.

“Wow, you are on time.” Junhoe is already in his jiujitsu uniform.

“Why are you so surprised?” You look at him.

“Well…people usually come late…and don’t even bother to inform me. I once had some didn’t show up until about 10pm? I had to text him and found that he overslept.” He sighs.

“Oh. Don’t worry. I’m not that type.”

Junhoe smiles a bit. “Are you ready for your training?”

“I guess so.” You take a deep breath.

After you have done some stretches, you are ready. You thought you are ready. You are not sure what the heck Junhoe is doing right now because the moves are nothing like for beginners. You keep trying the move on Junhoe but you make a lot of mistakes and end up getting tackled by him. You are drenched in sweat already when you barely do anything. You try to do like how Junhoe teaches you but you are still struggling. You thought this is going to be a basic technique session since it is only for FIRST lesson with Junhoe.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Junhoe almost yells.

You are surprised. You stand still avoiding his eye contact. Other people are looking at you and Junhoe which is making you so anxious you wish you could just run away. Your lips are sealed. Your mind goes blank. You don’t know what to say to him.

“Well? I’m waiting.” Junhoe folds his arm.

“I…I don’t know…” Your voice sound hoarse.

“I thought so too. Seriously what the fuck are you doing? You are so slow. You got all the technique wrong. Stop wasting my time maybe?” Junhoe grits his teeth.

“I…of course I’m slow. I don’t…I can’t…” You almost whisper.

“You what?” Junhoe approaches you.

You could feel his breath on your forehead. God damn it. You feel small and weak.

“I…it’s hard…I could not get it.”

“What’s so hard about it? Come on. Alright. Do you still want to continue or not?”

Junhoe’s voice sounds serious and scary right now. You hesitate but you just nod. You try again, you almost get it this time but Junhoe is not satisfied. He ends up raising his voice at you again. You almost break down to tears but you quickly rub your eyes and continued with the level 100 technique that Junhoe is teaching. Fuck it. It’s so difficult for a beginner. Why can’t this headass realized this?

You keep trying and you know you almost get it like finally. Your head keeps memorizing all the difficult technique that Junhoe is teaching and you are slowly getting the hang of it. You motivate yourself in your head because you know you can do this. You are going to prove to Junhoe that you are not as bad as he thinks. You get one technique right and is about to continue to the next technique but you just can’t look at Junhoe anymore. So annoying!

“You know what I’m stopping this training for today.” Junhoe wipes his sweat.

“Well fucking finally!” You glare at him.

“What the fuck did you just say?”

“Fucking. Finally. Get it?” You get up, fixing your uniform. “I’m stopping this training for good.”

“What?” Junhoe stands facing you. “Err…you can’t do that. You have paid for a month’s training.”

“Whatever. I can find back the money but I can’t find back the time I’ve lost in this centre with YOU.”

With that, you walk away leaving Junhoe alone. The other trainers and their students are looking at you and him but you don’t care. You are done with this one class already. You can’t learn with someone like that. How? Then you remember what Jinhwan said about Junhoe. Lies. You couldn’t see all those traits in Junhoe that Jinhwan told. This really is the same guy who wrote those poems? Unbelievable.

“Smooth, Junhoe. Very smooth.” Seungri approaches him.

“What hyung? I did nothing.”

“You DID something.” Seungri looks at him. He was going to tell Junhoe that you are his cousin but he holds back that thought. “You hurt her so much. I can’t believe and what were you doing actually? Those techniques should not be taught to her yet. She barely knew any basic.”

Junhoe keeps quiet for a moment. He just wanted to tease you and test you a little bit but guess he went too far. He knew the technique was difficult but he still pushed you to try the technique. He feels bad but he’s not going to admit it in front of Seungri. And why is Seungri so concerned about you anyway? He still keeps quiet. As he is about to say something, he notices you storming out from the centre and almost breaking the door frame. Strong. He smiles a bit.

“Junnie!” Seungri chases you. “Ah Donghyuk, later lock this place okay.” He tosses the key to Donghyuk.

“Alright, hyung.” Donghyuk catches the key.

Junnie? That sounds informal…and too friendly. Junhoe feels a bit jealous. And why is Seungri chasing you? What is the relationship between you and Seungri? Junhoe is curious. He quickly changes his clothes. Maybe he could catch Seungri and you. He walks to the basement parking and notices Seungri’s car is still there. He gets into his car and stays quiet, not even switching on the engine.

Junhoe feels bad for yelling at you in front of others. He realizes he should have not done that. He embarrassed you in front of others. That’s rude and he feels like a jerk. He’s just awkward with new people and he tries to give off the cold image but it always comes out wrongly. Yet he still does that because he is always not sure how to interact with new people.

He waits for Seungri’s car to move but it is still there. It makes him wonder if Seungri is the one who drives you home. He becomes impatient so he takes his phone to text you. Then he notices you getting off of Seungri’s car with Seungri holding your waist and hugging you tightly. He blinks a few times to make sure he is not dreaming. Seungri has his arms around your waist and patting your back gently, even giving a kiss on your forehead.

“What the fuck…” Junhoe whispers to himself. He grips the steering wheel tightly. Why is he so jealous?

“Thanks Seunghyun…” You wipe your tears.

“Stop crying already, okay?” Seungri pats your shoulder. “Listen, come to my place tomorrow night. Mom is going to cook something for you.”

“Ah okay. I miss aunt’s cooking. I’ll be there by 7.30.” You smile a bit.

“Alright. Now go home, bathe and sleep.”

You nod. You wave him goodbye as you drive out from the basement. Sleep. Yes sleep and forget about this little event. You hope you won’t see this Koo Junhoe ever again. You have enough. Who does he think he is?

 

~~~

 

_‘He really did that??????????’_

_‘YES. Your best friend did that.’_

You have been texting Jinhwan telling him everything that happened about a month ago. Jinhwan wonders why you are not attending the jiujitsu class and you keep lying but you finally tell him the truth today. Jinhwan is too surprised that all he replies is question mark.

_‘Yea…I hate him. I hope he chokes.’_

 

Junhoe is indeed getting choked specifically by Seungri at this moment. The two of them are fighting after Junhoe ambushed Seungri at the parking lot. Seungri was surprised but he is getting the upper hand right now thanks to his experience and better skills than Junhoe. He chokes Junhoe’s neck with the ankle lock and the latter finally gives up, tapping the ground as he struggles to breathe.

“What is wrong with you Koo Junhoe? Why are you doing this?” Seungri pants.

“You…” Junhoe wipes the blood on his lips. “Where is Jun?”

“Jun?” Seungri furrows his eyebrows. “Oh… you mean Violette Jun?”

“Yes. Where is Jun? Why she stops coming there and…why…are you dating her? Why you and her…you and her are always…” Junhoe leans against a pillar.

“Are you like deaf? She literally yelled at your face that she wanted to stop for good at the very first class.” Seungri smirks. He gets up, wiping his hands on his pants. “And so what if I date her? Oh wait… are you jealous?”

“I didn’t say…”

“But you are curious and for fuck sake you just ambushed me.” Seungri approaches him. “Tell me. Are you jealous?”

“N-no…I’m not.”

“Then why did you ambush me and suddenly asked about Junnie. Why do you care anyway after you acted like a jerk.” Seungri wipes off the dust from his shirt and pants.

The truth is Junhoe has been stalking you and Seungri ever since that night. He wants to know what relationship you and Seungri have because you two are too close. Nobody at the centre is telling him anything which really annoys him. He keeps seeing Seungri fetching you from work place to anywhere you want to go. Yes he stalks so deep that he knew your work place. And yes, he is jealous. He is jealous seeing you and Seungri together. He thinks you and Seungri look good together and it’s driving him crazy. He is jealous because he actually falls in love with you at first sight but he is too egoistic to act like a decent human. One of the reasons is afraid of rejection and he does NOT take rejection well. The last time a girl rejected him made him spent almost a week at the hospital because he was too sad that he didn’t eat and sleep.

Since then, the 5th rejection, he begins to act this way. He is awkward and tsundere but he is not a jerk. He still befriends anyone although it takes time but he was never the type that insult and yell at people over small mistake. He feels really awful for behaving like that in front of you.

His heart breaks a little when he noticed you holding back your tears that night and when seeing you cry in Seungri’s embrace that made him feel even worse. That moment he realized that he actually fell for you only after meeting you twice. He was really looking forward for the first lesson because he was too excited seeing you.

A small girl with attitude but soft inside.

“Hmmm? Junhoe...” Seungri sits next to him.

“I...I’m sorry hyung. I don’t know what’s got into me.” Junhoe stares at the floor. “You are right. I am jealous.”

“Ah Junhoe. You are such a fool, do you know that?” Seungri looks at him. “You punched me like this it’s not worth it. You could have just talked to me first. I am your hyung by the way.”

Junhoe wipes the sweat on his forehead. Seungri is right though. But how is he going to tell or ask Seungri about you?

“Hmmm Junhoe. I know you’ve been dying to know about something.” Seungri looks at him.

Junhoe becomes nervous.

 

~~~

 

You are feeding Bree, your shiba inu, when you hear the doorbell.

 

**9.25 p.m.**

 

Seriously? At this time? You take your baseball bat as precautions. You know security is tight but you just want to make sure. There are smarter people than security, sneakier. So you got yourself a baseball bat to protect yourself now that you refuse to learn any self-defense after what had happened.

You hear the doorbell once again. You look into the screen.

“WHAT?” You gasp.

You are not sure how Junhoe know your place. SEUNGRI. Definitely Seungri. You hesitate to open the door but Junhoe keeps ringing the doorbell. Eventually you give in. You put the baseball bat aside and slowly open the door. Junhoe’s expression changes when you open the door; he looks happy but he pretends that he isn’t. You still hide behind the door whilst looking at him.

“Hi… Jun…”

“Hi… What… why are you here? And how did you… know I stay here…”

“Please don’t get upset at Seungri hyung. He is just trying to help.”

HELP?

“Ohh… okay. So… what brings you here?”

“Uhmm… listen. May I enter?”

You realize Junhoe is shivering, wet due to the heavy downpour. You nod as you invite him into your apartment. Junhoe wastes no time. He follows you to your bedroom quietly. He glances around; neat and tidy, minimalist and smells like lavender. He looks at you taking another set of towel and bathrobe. He says nothing, proceeding himself to the bathroom to take a quick hot bath.

The silence was awkward but you just let it be. You go to the kitchen to prepare hot tea for you and Junhoe. Curious of Junhoe’s presence at your place but you would prefer to hear it straight from Junhoe’s mouth. It’s been like almost 1 month since they last time you met Junhoe. You begged Jinhwan not to tell anything to Junhoe although Junhoe doesn’t know about Jinhwan being his friends. You just don’t want to see Junhoe anymore but guess fate says otherwise.

You notice Junhoe is standing by the fridge. Damn, he really is handsome. His hair is still wet, making him even more handsome. How could a man be this handsome?

“Here. Hot tea for you.”

“Thanks…” Junhoe takes the mug from you.

“No problem.”

You take a seat facing him. “So… hmmm… Seungri told you where I stay? What for?”

Junhoe puts the mug on the table. He remembers the conversation he had earlier with Seungri. He really feels like a fool and he feels bad for Seungri for the ambush. He doesn’t think with his head. He only follows his heart without thinking properly. When Seungri told him that you are just his cousin, Junhoe felt so embarrassed that he wanted to die that instant. He couldn’t even look at Seungri. COUSIN?

_‘_

_Yup. She’s my cousin. That’s why I could call her Junnie. We are very close. She has no one after her mother passed away and her father left her at the age of 12. She is the only child. So my family has been taking good care of her. She feels more like my little sister than my cousin.’_

_‘Ohh… hmm this is awkward.’_

_‘Junhoe, you are young and impatient. I understand why. Haish, you really should have asked me.’_

 

You look at Junhoe, waiting for his answer. “Junhoe…”

“Uh… sorry. I was just…” Junhoe bites his lip. “I’m… I’m sorry for what I’ve done and said the other day. I tried to call you but… you changed your phone number right? I feel guilty. I should have been nicer. I just… suddenly don’t know how to talk with people… with you.”

You keep quiet for a moment. You don’t know if you pity him because he is still shivering or because you could feel his sincere apology. You notice Junhoe is not even looking at you. Maybe he really feels guilty, maybe he really didn’t mean all that. Truthfully, you always read the poems Junhoe posts on his instagram and lately the poems are sad and depressing, it was as if he is conveying a message. Guess you know who he meant. You suddenly feel soft for the man. Damn, you are weak or maybe you feel like you don’t have to drag this matter. No point keeping grudge anyway and no point holding up your ego. Plus, you are not that type of person. You would always forgive anyone who does you wrong and apologizes to you.

“Look, Junhoe… I forgive you… already. So long I’ve forgiven you. I’m serious.” You smile at him.

“Really?” Junhoe looks at you.

You notice his face turns bright. You keep nodding, assuring him that you really had forgiven him.

“Thank you!” Junhoe hugs you.

“Oh!” You freeze.

“Wait… sorry. Sorry.” Junhoe sits back on his chair.

“That’s okay…” You give the most awkward smile to Junhoe.

“So… can we start all over? As friends?”

You look at Junhoe’s hopeful eyes. “Sure. Friends?”

“Friends.”

Junhoe smiles widely. This is the start of a beautiful friendship. He is not sure how you feel about him but he doesn’t mind. He just wants to cherish this friendship more than anything. He is glad that you accept his apology. He keeps smiling as he looks at you. He can’t help but to notice you are turning red.

You are suddenly nervous in front of Junhoe. Your heart beat fast. Damn is it because of his happy smile or because of his handsome look? You don’t know. But one thing that you know is that you are looking forward for this friendship and wish it would last long. You and Junhoe spend the rest of the night together, talking and laughing. Maybe you like this guy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was inspired by a gif and my mutual's dream


	8. Goodbye...For Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tell the person that you love him so much...so you won't regret. What Bobby and Junhoe feel right now is just regret....

Bobby keeps trying. Bobby wants to show the others that he and Junhoe are not awkward like what their friends like to tease them. Bobby keeps approaching Junhoe. Even when they are just at their home doing nothing, it is difficult to approach Junhoe. The fact that they live in the same house but he and Junhoe couldn’t even have a meal together without feeling awkward is really killing Bobby. And hence, Bobby is tired.

It’s their last semester so Donghyuk suggested for a trip together.

“We might go different ways after uni you know… so why not?” Donghyuk looks at the rest of them.

“Why are you so worried? We could still meet after uni.” Chanwoo focuses on the baseball match on television.

“Trust me, Chanwoo. 90% of us won’t able to make it. We would be busy and free on different days.” Yunhyeong sits next to him.

“Hmmm…points were made.” Chanwoo glances at him.

“So where do you reckon we should go?” Hanbin rolls on the rug, stretching his arms.

“Hawaii.”

“Are you gonna pay?” Jinhwan looks at him.

“Maybe.”

The boys cheers loudly.

“Wait! I didn’t say fully sponsored. I’d pay for the accommodation only but whatever expenses…use your own money.” Donghyuk shakes his head. “Where are Junhoe and Bobby by the way?” He glances around.

“Probably still trying to work out their awkwardness.” Chanwoo replies.

“Yah. Jung Chanwoo.” Yunhyeong elbows him..

“Did I lie?”

Jinhwan smiles at Chanwoo’s answer. “You did not lie. That’s for sure.”

“Hyung, you are siding him?”

“Of course Jinhwan hyung sides Chanwoo... Jinhwan's boyfriend.” Donghyuk responds.

“You are right Donghyuk but…come on. Chanwoo definitely did not lie.”

“Aish. Okay he is not lying but he is exaggerating.”

Speaking of the devil, both Junhoe and Bobby reach home almost at the same time. Bobby walks back home from the motorcycle shop when he notices Junhoe getting off of a friend’s car.

“Uh hi Junhoe. Just came back huh.”

“Hmmm yes. Just…finished with our final group assignment.” Junhoe smiles a bit.

“Uh great then.”

“Alright see you inside.” Junhoe quickly enters their rented house.

“Okay...” Bobby grips the strap of his backpack. He decides to smoke for a while.

The awkward tension again. That’s how they talk for the past 4 years; only with short sentences and a lot of "uhh, ohh, ya, hmmm". They can’t even have proper conversation about any topics except for their school work. Even that, it is just an educational discussion and not random talks. It is difficult. Bobby has been patient but he is tired.

“Oh there you are.” Jinhwan looks at Junhoe as the latter enters the living room. “Come, sit here first.”

Junhoe obliges. He puts his bag aside before sitting on the couch next to Jinhwan. “Anything?”

“We are going for a vacation!” Donghyuk announces happily.

“Vacation?” Junhoe looks puzzled. “With finals approaching?”

“After finals. We have planned properly. Don’t worry. Right after the last paper, we are heading to Hawaii.” Donghyuk smiles.

“Hawaii? We?” Junhoe looks at Donghyuk.

“Yes. But I just found out about the ‘we’ part.” Hanbin sits properly.

“Ah sorry sorry. Bobby hyung and I planned this last week. He was the one who suggested Hawaii for our vacation together. It would be fun guys.” 

“Bobby hyung suggested huh? Wait. Where is he anyway? He should be home by now.” Chanwoo glances at the time.

Junhoe hesitates at first but before he could tell others that Bobby is just outside, the man enters. Bobby takes off his shoes and puts them on the rack. 

“Hello guys.” Bobby walks straight to the kitchen.

“Hyung, come back to the living room okay.”

“Okay Dongie.” Bobby shouts from the kitchen.

“Why Hawaii though?” Yunhyeong asks.

“Hmmm I don’t know. I just agreed with Bobby hyung’s suggestion.” 

Moments later, Bobby comes back with a plate of sandwiches. “Eat up guys.” He puts the plate on the table.

“So Bobby hyung, why Hawaii?” Chanwoo takes a bite of the sandwich.

“Well... just because... It’s a beautiful place and I just… you know... let’s go somewhere outside Korea because we gonna be busy soon... you know what I’m saying?” Bobby chews the sandwich. “If you guys have other suggestions, just tell me. I’m cool with it.”

“Hawaii seems nice.” Yunhyeong scrolls his phone. “Hawaii for me.”

The others agree including Junhoe. He glances at Bobby without saying a word while munching the sandwich Bobby made. The rest of the boys are so excited for the trip to Hawaii but not Junhoe. He is not excited but he tries to show that he is excited. He lies when the boys say he looks uninterested but he just says that he is afraid of water and he won’t do any water activities. He knows this could be the last time all seven of them are going to be together for now. Sure they could meet other times but his heart feels heavy.

“Alright. Now focus on our studies. Finals is in 2 weeks!” Jinhwan announces.

 

~~~~~

 

The boys are at the airport now, waiting for their flight. They take the night flight so they could sleep throughout their journey. After checking in, they realized the awkward pair Junhoe and Bobby seated next to each other. Oh boy. 9 hours plus of awkward time.

“Fate says you can’t run away from me.” Hanbin teases.

“Are you sure guys?” Junhoe looks at his boarding pass again. “Can we switch seats?”

Junhoe is lucky that Bobby is at the washroom at this moment. Jinhwan glares at him and shakes his head, telling him that nobody is going to switch seats with him and that’s final. The rest of the boys agree, telling him to just sit with Bobby and assuring him that he shouldn’t be worried because Bobby could be sleeping the whole journey. The atmosphere suddenly becomes tensed.

“Are you guys okay? Why is it so gloomy? Come on. We are going for a vacation.” Bobby smiles happily. 

“Uh nothing.” Donghyuk smiles.

They are finally ready for boarding. Bobby doesn’t realize that he is seated next to Junhoe until he checks and asks the other boys. 9 hours plus with Junhoe sitting next to him? It shouldn’t be a problem. He would just sleep. Junhoe smiles when Bobby comes to his designated seat as per boarding pass. He feels awful earlier even though Bobby was not there when he wanted to switch seats with other members. Bobby just smiles back at him as he takes a seat next to Junhoe. Both of them remain silent, lost in their own thoughts. Bobby leans his seat after the plane takes off. He glances at Junhoe who is looking outside the window although it is night and the sky is dark, the latter can’t see a thing but it is probably better than looking at him, Bobby supposed. He shuts his eyes, comforting himself before slowly dozing off.

Junhoe turns to look at him.

“Uh? Is he sleeping already?” He waves his hand in front of Bobby’s face. “Hmm… good night hyung.”

Junhoe asks for extra blanket for him and Bobby. He carefully puts the blanket on Bobby as he wishes good night again.

 

~~~~~

 

Hawaii!

They checked in after grabbing their lunch. They rented a bungalow for them instead of hotel, just for all seven of them to be together. There are 4 rooms in total, equipped with kitchen of course and even swimming pool. The couples, Jinhwan and Chanwoo just have to choose to sleep in one room. Yunhyeong chooses Donghyuk in which the latter agree. The attention now diverts to Bobby, Junhoe and Hanbin. Two rooms left.

“I want to sleep alone.” Hanbin quickly announces.

“Okay.” Bobby replies.

Junhoe looks at Bobby. “Wait… does that mean I have to sleep with you?”

Everyone looks at both of them.

“Why are you so scared?” Bobby forces a smile. “Don’t worry. I can sleep anywhere in this house.” He squats down to unzip his luggage.

“Ah Bobby hyung. You can sleep in the room with me.” Hanbin feels bad.

“That’s okay.” Bobby takes his shorts. “Ah, I’m gonna change my pants.” He leaves for the bathroom.

“Really, Junhoe?” Hanbin folds his arms.

“It was just a question.” Junhoe looks at Hanbin.

"You could have just shut up. What is wrong anyway sleeping in the same room with Bobby?" Hanbin glares at him.

"No. You shut up. You guys know how he and I are awkward."

"Yes but..."

“Alright you two. That’s enough.” Jinhwan pushes them apart. “This is our vacation. If you two wanna fight then wait till we reach Korea.”

Junhoe and Hanbin keep quiet. All of them then make their way to the respective rooms. Jinhwan crawls on top of the bed, resting his head on Chanwoo’s chest. With Chanwoo’s arm around his tiny body, he feels calm and loved. He glances at Chanwoo.

“I said the right thing, right?”

“Yes baby… you said the right thing. I don’t want any of them to ruin this vacation.” Chanwoo runs his fingers through Jinhwan’s hair.

“Hmmm… thanks… yeah. I don’t want them to ruin this vacation.” Jinhwan shuts his eyes.

Meanwhile, Bobby is resting on the couch. The house is quiet. He just found out that Yunhyeong and Donghyuk went out after scrolling instagram, noticing their insta story and their instagram updates. Hanbin is out with Chanwoo and Jinhwan so leaving only him and Junhoe at the bungalow.

“Is everyone…like…outside?” Junhoe walks to the living room.

“Uh…yeah. They all left when I was sleeping.” Bobby still lies down on the couch eating snacks.

Junhoe comes closer, sitting on the couch opposite him. “I see…hmmm…I fell asleep too.”

“Oh… So...do you have any plans?” Bobby looks at him.

“Uhh...not really. I just...maybe want to take a walk at the beach and drink something.”

“Hmmm...let’s go. I want to go to the beach also.” Bobby smiles.

“Oh. Alright. Let’s go.”

Both Bobby and Junhoe reach the beach about 15 minutes later. Junhoe decides to have some drinks at the bar near the beach while Bobby said he wants to surf the beach. Junhoe just watches Bobby as the latter takes off his shirt leaving only shorts. He can’t lie, he likes seeing shirtless Bobby because the man is really sexy.

Junhoe begins to write poem, something he likes to do recently. It is a way for him to express his thoughts if he doesn’t feel like sharing to other boys. He has written many poems and they love reading his poems but he is not sure about Bobby. Bobby never commented anything about his poem whenever he shares on their group chat.

Junhoe looks at Bobby from far. How he wishes he could surf the beach with Bobby but because of his water phobia and inability to swim, he could only wish. He continues writing his poem whilst glancing at Bobby. He notices Bobby is approaching him.

“What are you drinking?”

“Ohh...just mojito.” Junhoe smiles a bit.

“Ohh...” Bobby takes his towel, wiping his body thoroughly. He then sits next to Junhoe.

And both of them remain silent for good 5 minutes. The only sound they could hear is the beach wave. They feel like only the two of them are at the beach at this moment but neither of them speak. Both just lost in their own world. 

Junhoe suddenly thinks of Bolbbalgan4’s Wind. Damn he wants a Jisoo for himself too. Maybe Bobby? He glances at Bobby. The man is lying down on the cloth he placed on the sand. The next thing Junhoe hears is Bobby’s snoring. Bobby really falls asleep easily.

“Hmmm...you may not hear it but...let me read a poem I wrote while I was looking at you.” 

Bobby doesn’t even flinch. Safe to say that he really is sleeping. Junhoe moves closer.

“It’s very short... probably the shortest poem I’ve ever written. I was distracted by my own thoughts and you..” He pauses. “Alright. Here it goes.”

" _As we live with people whom we don’t see even when we’re together... We’ll come to love the ones whom we see even when we’re not together...”_

Junhoe’s heart feels heavy. He hopes what he assumes is wrong. He wants the time to move slowly. He is not ready to part from his friends although he knows they could meet anytime but probably not all seven of them and he is not ready to be away from Bobby.

Bobby is actually awake at that moment but he pretends to snore. Sleeping is one of the ways for him to be close to Junhoe. He remembers waking up in the plane on their way to Hawaii, noticing Junhoe was hugging his arm as the latter leaned against him. He felt happy that time. And now he gets to listen to Junhoe’s poem. Usually he only reads Junhoe’s poems that the latter shares on their group chat. He loves them all but he never says anything. He tells Jinhwan and Hanbin about it. The two of them just reply with face palm emoji while telling him to just praise Junhoe’s poems.

 

_mathyung – I didn’t raise you to be this weak_

_bobbb – Ugh hyung please you didn’t raise me at all_

_mathyung – Wow this insult..._

_quailbin– Come on Bobby hyung... you never said anything on the gc when he posts his poem_

_bobbb – I don’t have to...I love his poem. But he doesn’t need my validation_

_mathyung – But still…I think it would mean a lot for him if you could comment a bit_

_bobbb – hmmm….okay….maybe one day…_

 

He loves the poem that Junhoe just read to him. It was short but deep. It really touches his heart and those words keep playing in his mind. He feels bad for Junhoe. He wishes he could stop the time so he and Junhoe would spend more time together even if they are not talking.

“Hyung...why are we awkward?”

_‘I don’t know Junhoe ah... I don’t know. But I do know that I love you so much.’_

“I don’t want to be awkward with you, hyung. I can’t believe we live like this for 4 years. Weird huh?” Junhoe chuckles.

' _It is weird Junhoe ah... we were close when we first met. What happened? Was it too obvious that I like you?’_

“Hmmm... we were close when we first met, right hyung? Then I wonder what happened... that made us this awkward... We can’t even breathe in the same direction unless one of us sleeps.” Junhoe lets out a bitter laugh.

' _I love you Junhoe ah... the boys notice except you maybe...’_

“I know you are sleeping but... I hope we can meet often after graduation.” Junhoe leans closer. He slowly caresses Bobby’s hair. Soft. Bobby dyes his hair for the nth time but his hair is still soft and pretty.

Bobby could feel Junhoe’s fingers carefully running through his hair. He moves a bit, hiding his face with his clothes, still pretending to sleep. He begins to sob unknowingly but he quickly wipes his tears. He feels bad but he is tired. He has made his decision long ago. 

 

~~~~~

 

They have spent a week in Hawaii. It is their last night so they decided to do some barbeque and drink together. Donghyuk and Bobby are out to the grocery store to buy the necessary things for the barbeque while Yunhyeong and Hanbin shop for the ingredient, Jinhwan, Chanwoo and Junhoe shop for the drinks.

“When are you going to tell Junhoe?” Donghyuk pushes the trolley.

“I…I don’t know.”

“It’s our last day already, hyung.”

“I know… I want to make this night as the most memorable one.” He looks at Donghyuk who seems dissatisfied. “Come on Dong… it’s our last night and you damn well too. Don’t give me that look.”

“Ugh fine.”

That night, after they are done with their barbeque, they all sit down on the grass while enjoying their beers and whiskey under the bright moonlight and shining stars. They talk about many things; high school, their life in university, their first ever meeting, everything until their days here in Hawaii. Suddenly the atmosphere becomes sad with four out of seven of them are already drunk. Jinhwan who is clearly drunk starts to cry thinking how tonight is their last night together before moving back to their own hometown or to anywhere.

As for Jinhwan, he already received permanent position at the company where he did his internship but he has to part ways with Chanwoo who is going to help to handle one of the branches of his father’s company in Hong Kong. Jinhwan cries so much already that he falls asleep in Chanwoo’s embrace. Only then Chanwoo starts to cry. He sobered up a bit after crying and venting out his feelings. He doesn’t want to look weak in front of Jinhwan.

Yunhyeong accepted the offer for acting and modeling career that he was offered to after getting scouted at the street while he was taking his OOTD photos. Donghyuk has been applying jobs also and he would attend a few interviews starting next week. He could still meet Yunhyeong.  Meanwhile Hanbin also accepted offer to become in house composer and producer in a huge entertainment company called PY Entertainment. He sent a few demos before the finals and it turned out that the CEO loves those demos and decided to hire him.

“What about you, Junhoe?” Hanbin looks at him.

“Interview…air steward…” Junhoe grins.

“Wow. That’s so cool.” Yunhyeong chuckles. Junhoe is so drunk. “You Bobby?”

Bobby looks at Yunhyeong, reading the latter’s eyes. He looks at the others except Junhoe. They all want Bobby to tell what’s in his mind. He smiles a bit.

“I have no plans yet.” Bobby lies. He spins the bottle, staring at the ground and trying to distract himself from this topic.

“That’s okay if you have no plans yet.” Donghyuk pats his shoulder. “Come on. Let’s sleep. It’s 2 in the morning already.” He collects the empty bottles and cans.

“Come.” Yunhyeong takes plastic bag to help Donghyuk.

“Good night…” Chanwoo carries Jinhwan on his back.

“Good night, Chanwoo.” Hanbin gives a warm smile, comforting the younger man.

“Good night guys.” Bobby looks at them. “Ah Yunhyeong. It’s okay. I still want to drink.” He stops the man from taking the other cans. He notices Junhoe is still sitting there.

“Oh. Alright then.” Yunhyeong walks away.

Bobby watches them as they leave to their rooms. He glances at Junhoe again. The younger man still has not moved. He approaches Junhoe, offering a can of beer which the latter accepted it and drinks in one gulp. He knows Junhoe is actually drunk to get up on his own and even he is struggling to walk straight. He is aware of the surroundings but his head is still dizzy. He decides to sit next to Junhoe while admiring the stars.

“Junhoe…”

“Uhh…Bobby hyung…”

Bobby looks at Junhoe’s face. “Why…are we…awkward…?”

“I think…I love you.” Junhoe’s eyes become teary, red. Not sure because of the beer or his true feelings right now but he begins to sob. “I love you, Kim Jiwon…”

“Junhoe…” Bobby is glad to hear that although Junhoe said it in his state of drunkenness. “I love you too…so much…from the moment I saw you…”

Junhoe leans closer. “I think…that is why we are awkward…we love each other…and we know this…”

“Koo Junhoe…please say it again.” Bobby holds his cheeks, looking into his eyes. “Please say it again…” _‘Even if you don’t mean it…’_

“I love you so much, Kim Jiwon…” Junhoe looks into Bobby’s eyes. “I love you... I want to be close to you... Don’t leave me.” Junhoe’s tears keep rolling.

“I love you too... I really love you. I wish I could take you somewhere far... just the two of us.” Bobby’s voice is shaking. He’s on the verge of tears.

“Hyung... why are we awkward... Is it because of love? Then… why didn’t we tell this before?”

“I was afraid that you would distance yourself... afraid that you only see me as friends... as hyung.” Bobby couldn’t control it anymore. He could feel his warm tears on his cheeks.

“Idiot. I love you... I just don’t know how to say it... and I’m jealous... of you and Hanbin...” Junhoe cries some more.

“Hanbin and me? You think Hanbin and I are...”

“Yes... I thought you and Hanbin are dating.” Junhoe sobs. “I hate it. I’m so jealous.” He hits Bobby’s chest repeatedly. “I thought... you two... you two are so close... it breaks my heart.”

“Guess you are my idiot too huh.” Bobby smiles a bit. He wipes Junhoe’s tears as he brings his face closer to Junhoe’s. “I only love one man here... and it’s silly of me not telling you sooner.”

“We are idiots for each other...” Junhoe chuckles a bit. 

“Junhoe... can I kiss you?”

Junhoe nods. Next thing he knows he could feel Bobby’s lips pressing against his lips. They kiss softly at first with them unable to stop their never ending tears. They kiss again, slowly this time as they cherish every single moment of their lips touching each other. They look into each other’s swollen eyes, all because of the crying they have done. They kiss again, long and deep kiss, with regrets. Thunder strikes and the sky cries. They part away from each other’s lips. 

“I’m sorry Junhoe... and I love you...”

“Sorry?”

Bobby does not answer. He gets up from the grass, pulling Junhoe’s hand as they make their way to the living room. Both of them sit on the couch, hugging without saying a word. Junhoe falls asleep after a few minutes.

“I’m sorry...” Bobby whispers as he plants a soft kiss on Junhoe’s forehead.

 

~~~~~

 

Rise and shine.

Junhoe’s head hurts and his eyes are not helping either. He rubs his eyes, wondering why he cried last night. He looks around only to realize that he is in the bedroom that he shares with Hanbin. What happened between him and Bobby last night? He is sure that something happen. They kissed... and Bobby kept saying sorry. Bobby said he loves Junhoe but Junhoe is not sure if he heard that right and if Bobby means it. Junhoe thinks he might have said the truth; he loves Bobby. He thinks he told Bobby that but he couldn’t remember. What he remembers are the kisses, tears and hugs. He sighs. He slowly drags himself to the bathroom to wash himself a bit before breakfast. 

“Good morning.” Yunhyeong smiles. He has done preparing breakfast for all of them and just waiting for them to wake up. “Remember... our flight is at 2.00 p.m. later.”

“Good morning, hyung.” Jinhwan is still half awake. “Uh what... did I say hyung?”

Everyone just laughs at him. 

“What did Chanwoo do to you last night huh?” Hanbin glances at Jinhwan.

“Do you really want to know?” Chanwoo butts in.

“Err... never mind.”

“Nothing happened.” Jinhwan looks at Chanwoo. He hates Chanwoo now. He hates everything. Chanwoo made him feel so loved last night in the most gentle way. They cried while making love, both wishing time would just stop.

“Where is Bobby hyung by the way?” Donghyuk looks around.

Junhoe sits at the dining table quietly but his eyes are wandering around too. 

“I’m here. I took a shower guys.” Bobby smiles happily. 

They sit together at the dining table eating their breakfast quietly. None of them say a word, not sure if they really are hungry or they just don’t want to say anything that could ruin the mood. But the atmosphere is gloomy and it continues until afternoon as they have done packing and getting ready to go to the airport.

They reach airport at about 11.30 a.m. As they are walking towards the designated terminal, Junhoe realizes that Bobby is not with them. He looks around looking for the elder man. He purposely walks slowly so maybe Bobby would catch them but the latter is nowhere to be seen.

“Guys... where is Bobby hyung?”

They stop walking. They know Bobby hasn’t said anything to Junhoe and yes, they know how Bobby loves Junhoe so much but couldn’t put it in words. Also they know this vacation really is a goodbye vacation for Bobby. They all have hugged Bobby earlier and bid him farewell while Junhoe was in the washroom.

“Err... Junhoe...” Donghyuk looks at others. “Junhoe... he is leaving for California.”

“What? What are you saying? Guys. Come on.” Junhoe looks at them. “Guys...”

“I’m sorry Junhoe.” Yunhyeong puts his arm around Junhoe’s shoulder. “That’s why he planned this vacation...”

“No. No. No. You guys better cut this out right now.” Junhoe’s voice is shaking, holding back his tears and refusing to believe what he just heard. “Whatever it is guys it is not funny.”

“We wish it is not real either.” Hanbin looks at him. “He is going back to California and would work there.”

Donghyuk looks at the time. “If you want to meet him...for the last time...you still have time though.”

 

_can i show it just a little?_

_your times,_

_it won’t take long,_

_this feeling of awkwardness_

_don’t go and tell anybody,_

_even if we get a bit drunk,_

_and say all kinds of stuff,_

_that’ll stay as our memory,_

_even if we talk nonsense,_

_it’ll stay as our memory,_

_it’s between us two only,_

_don’t tell anybody, promise?_

 

Then what was last night? Is that why Bobby confessed? Just to break his heart today? The kiss? The kiss was everything. It was beautiful and Junhoe felt so loved and wanted. The tears? Are those regrets? Is that why Bobby kept saying sorry to him?

Meanwhile Bobby reaches the terminal bound for California. He feels bad for not seeing Junhoe and bidding a proper farewell but he knows he can’t handle that. He remembers last night. He wants to go back to last night. He wants to keep hearing Junhoe says “I love you” even if the latter doesn’t mean it.

He suddenly feels someone’s hand on his shoulder. To his surprise, Junhoe is standing behind him, panting, sweating and crying.

“Junhoe...” Bobby quickly gets up.

“What was all that? Why did you tell me you love me when you just gonna leave?” 

Bobby stares at the floor. “So you remember...last night?”

“Part of it... is this why we are awkward Bobby hyung? Because you love me and... I think I love you too...” Junhoe wipes his tears. “That’s all I could remember. I think I said I love you Kim Jiwon. My idiot.”

Bobby moves closer. “I’m sorry... I... I love you Junhoe... and I’m sorry... that if I make things awkward for the two of us till it is too late. I thought it was only one sided... it is tiring, Junhoe ah...” He touches Junhoe’s cheeks gently. “It is tiring... we lived under the same roof but we can’t even look in the same direction. It is tiring... but I still love you.”

Junhoe looks away. It hurts listening to those words. Is Bobby blaming him for the awkward tension they have for these 4 years or is Bobby blaming himself for making things awkward? He loves Bobby. So much. He doesn’t say but he tried to show it. 

“Calling for Mr Jiwon Kim. Last call for Mr Jiwon Kim. Please get on board for immediate departure. Thank you.”

“Ah that’s me.”

“That’s it?” Junhoe holds his fist. How he wants to punch Bobby so badly for leaving him hanging like this.

“I guess... see you during graduation... or not... I don’t know.” Bobby touches Junhoe’s face as he leans for a kiss. 

Junhoe’s tears fall down his cheeks as he kisses Bobby’s lips; long, deep kiss. He doesn’t want to let Bobby go and he knows Bobby feels the same. 

“Goodbye Koo Junhoe...” Bobby puts something in Junhoe's back pocket. He kisses Junhoe again before walking to board on the plane.

“No...” Junhoe falls to the chair. He couldn’t believe this. They are awkward because love each other but have trouble expressing their love and because they are afraid. He cries uncontrollably when he realizes something in his back pocket; bracelets and a wrist watch that Bobby always wears.

_Regrets._

_You can’t stop and rewind time._

_You missed the chance to say “I love you”, missed the chance to be close together, missed all happy moments that could have happened. You don’t know when would you meet the person again…you don’t know if the feelings would remain unchanged or not…you don’t know what would happen in future._

_But one thing you know, Koo Junhoe, regrets…the present…a moment he fails to grab._

 

Junhoe looks outside as the plane slowly leaves the terminal, ready to depart. He sighs. “Goodbye…” He wears the wrist watch and the bracelets. He hopes Bobby remembers him although he gives nothing to Bobby...only memories.

Bobby rests his head against the window pane as he looks outside. Although he can’t see Junhoe right now, he just waves his hand. Maybe he will see Junhoe again and hopes Junhoe’s feelings for him are still the same. He hopes to hear that “I love you” again from Junhoe’s mouth. He’s been in love with the same man for 4 years and he too hopes he would keep on loving Junhoe even if they are not together.

Bobby suddenly remembers Junhoe’s poem.

Junhoe looks at his notebook, reading the poem that he read to Bobby at the beach the other day.

_We’ll come to love the ones whom we see even when we’re not together...”_

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was randomly inspired by Junhoe's "The Young Us" poem (translation credit to twitter user @ikonmypride) and I was also inspired by Sunmi's "Secret Tape" (translation credit to twitter user @poeticseul). Maybe I've been very sad lately. It is one of those time I feel sad all of sudden. So many thoughts in my head that I don't share to anyone. Sorry for the rants but hope everyone enjoy this JunBob fic.


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